Dirty Little Boys
by bethanime
Summary: The picture is my Mysterion costume... it has almost nothing to do with the story, but Mysterion is mentioned The girls have made another list! Bebe decides to let Kyle, Clyde, Tweek, and Butters in on the secret from the goodness of her heart... or is it? I don't want to give away all of the pairings just yet, but let's just say one will be very Stylish.
1. Chapter 1

"Psst. Butters, Clyde, Tweek, Kyle... C'mere." The four boys had walked out of their last class before lunch when the dark figure appeared.

"Buh-Bebe? What're dressed like that for?" Butters rubbed his knuckles together. Bebe was wearing sunglasses and a headscarf. Didn't she know the sun doesn't shine in the windowless hallways? She sure did look strange.

Kyle and Clyde glanced at each other. Kyle crossed his arms. Bebe usually didn't go out of her way to talk to them. Why should they listen to her? Her sunglasses made her seem extra shady.

Gah! Too... much... pressure.

"Shh. Just come here." Bebe led the boys into the home ec room. Kyle reluctantly followed. He was losing valuable meal time by humoring her. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't slightly curious. Bebe pulled a chair under the doorknob. Nobody would come in and surprise them this way. Things needed to be kept under wraps. None of the girls could know about this.

"What do you want, Bebe?" Kyle asked; his arms were still folded carefully over his chest.

"It's obvious she wants me." Clyde flicked his bangs. He posed for a few seconds with one hand on his hip, the other still near his hair. Bebe rolled her eyes before sweeping them across the room to make sure they were alone.

"Keep your voices down. I'm doing this out of the niceness of my heart. You guys better be thankful..." Tweek grunted and twitched. "The girls made another list."

"Oh no. I'm out. I don't want to hear it!" Kyle began to walk toward the door. Clyde grabbed his shoulder. Clyde's eyes started glittering.

"Aw, hamburgers. Which girl was kicked in the nuts this time?" Butters rubbed his knuckles against each other until the skin was red.

"Stay, Kyle. I'm telling you this to help you out. Butters, girls don't have nuts. You're in high school; you should know that by now."

"What was the list about?" Clyde was practically panting with enthusiasm.

"Gah! I-I don't want to know either. It's better not to- ah!- know their secrets."

"Chill! The list was about the stinkiest guys." All of the boys stopped moving and gaped at Bebe.

Stinky? Kyle pulled his jacket to his nose. Okay, well yeah. He wore his jacket every day, but it was comfortable! His mom made him wash it at least once a month. The clothes he wore underneath were always clean. He liked taking showers. They were refreshing. Deodorant did scare him kind of.

He did smell a little body odor, but it wasn't that bad!

"M-my mom's gonna ground me if I'm the stinkiest..." Butters had a sad, shocked look on his face. He would be grounded until next school year if his parents found out. That's especially bad because he was supposed to go off to college next year!

"Guys, I told you this to help you. I have some stuff that will take away the smell." Bebe took off her glasses and scarf. She dug into her backpack and pulled out four vials of... something. "My mom got this shipment in from her beauty product supplier. These were free samples. They're supposed to take away all bad smells." Bebe tossed the vials to the boys, one by one. Kyle and Clyde caught theirs without fail. Butters' slipped out of his hand. He tossed it between his two hands trying to get a grip on it before grabbing it with both hands. Tweek dodged and cowered. Gah!

Kyle took the cap off the package and sniffed. It didn't smell girly. It didn't smell like anything in particular. "Why are you helping us again?"

"Kyle, stop being a pessimist. That list was stupid, and I feel that it demoralized us girls as well as you boys." She sniffed and stuck up her nose. The boys wouldn't want to deal with an offended Bebe.

"W-well, I sure do appreciate it, Bebe! W-what do we d-do with this?"

"It's like a deodorant. You twist the bottom and the product comes through the vents in the top. You put it under your arms. You can put it on your pulse points too!"

"Pulse points...?" Clyde asked in his nasally voice. He was eying the small amounts of liquid that came to the top of the vial.

"You know, where you can feel your pulse. Your neck, your wrist, behind your ears. Girls put perfume there all the time."

"We're not girls." Kyle huffed. He wasn't taking this enlightenment gracefully. The guys never told him he smelled bad. Did Stan think he smelled bad?

"Obviously." Bebe rolled her eyes again. "Look, I'm just trying to help. Whether you listen or not is your problem." Bebe placed her glasses back on and tied her scarf around her head once again.

"W-well, I sure don't want to b-be a stinky beaver!" Butters chirped out while he applied the deodorant under his arms.

"I don't think you understand what that means," Clyde said as he followed suit.

Tweek had crawled over to his plastic vial and smelled the product thoroughly before applying it on his skin. If he wasn't careful, he could attract deadly predators with his stench! Gah, that would be horrible. Kyle sighed and joined the crowd. The stupid thing didn't have an odor, so nothing lost or gained if it didn't work.

"I'm going to lunch now." Kyle scooted the chair out from below the doorknob and walked out. The other three boys followed. Today was meatloaf day! Who didn't love meatloaf?

When the boys left, Bebe pulled out her cellphone and pushed send. Her phone called the last person she had spoken to.

"Phase one, completed." Bebe said into the receiver.

"Excellent."

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Okay! So there is chapter one. This is my first South Park fanfic. Do you think I should continue? I'll need a couple of lovely reviews before I know if continuing it is worth my time or not :) In future chapters (if there are any), I'll focus more on one character and his interactions at a time instead of them all as a group. And, the rating is subject to change. There will be more adult language and possible sexual scenarios later on (again, if I continue).


	2. Chapter 2

_Special thanks to Monthadog and ElissaTucker3 :3 Thanks, you guys! Lots of hugs_

Kyle walked into the cafeteria with Butters, Clyde, and Tweek. He still felt a little miffed and embarrassed. He looked at his usual table. Kenny was gesturing with his hands while Stan laughed.

Wouldn't Kenny smell worse than him? He was poor and couldn't afford to bathe every day. He probably would have benefited from that deodorant stuff more than Kyle. Kyle could have afforded to buy his own. He didn't need to accept handouts.

His eyes flicked to Cartman. That fat ass had to smell worse than him! He sweated so easily... The majority of Cartman's shirts had pit stains. Just thinking about Cartman wanted Kyle to hold his nose and/or vomit.

Stan. Of course Stan wouldn't smell worse than Kyle. Kyle could feel his cheeks tinge pink. Whatever, Stan just cared more about what people thought about him. That's the only reason Kyle thought he smelled good.

Kyle plopped down in the seat next to Stan. Butters sat down next to Kenny, while Clyde and Tweek went to join Token and Craig's table.

"Dude, where were you? You barely have enough time to eat before home ec." Stan shuffled a spoonful of spinach into his mouth. He slurped a string up. Kyle felt a mix of disgusted and turned on. What? Wait, no.

"Clyde and Tweek had some questions about AP Biology. Butters and I stayed after class to help them." Kyle glanced at Butters. His eyes begged him to go along with his little fib. He didn't want Stan... Cartman to know about the list. Besides, Butters couldn't get grounded for what his parents didn't know. Cartman would be the first one to skip to poor Butters' house to tell Linda and Chris.

"Fucking lame, dude. Lunch is the only time we get to hang out." Kenny ruffled Butters' little poof of hair.

"We all have fucking home ec after lunch. That class is for fags. Only hippies would make home ec a required class for boys," Cartman grumbled through his mouthful of mashed potatoes.

"W-well, I s-sure am hungry!" Butters left the table to stand in the dwindling line.

"So Jew, how much are they paying you to tutor? They breaking your balls?" Cartman had food all around and in his mouth.

"Don't choke, fat ass," Kyle snarled as he went to join Butters in line. "Butters, we can't tell them about the list, okay? It's bad enough the girls know. Think about if Cartman knew." Kyle shuddered at the thought.

"A-aw, shucks. I'm n-not telling Eric anything!" Butters turned red. He grabbed his tray of food and started to walk toward their table. "I-I hope Tweek and Clyde d-don't say nothin'."

Kyle glanced at the other boys' table as they walked by. Craig knowing about them would almost be as bad as Cartman. Craig had been a dick ever since they made him and Tweek fight way back in elementary.

"... and that's why Indians love pickles!" Cartman was still covered in food. He was trying hard to cover Stan and Kenny as well. His spewed words were even more enraging than his spewed food apparently. Kenny had punched Cartman on the arm.

"That's sick, man!"

"Coming from the guy who has every STD and STI known to man."

"Shut up! That's not true! I'm disease-free." Kenny winked at Butters when he said the last bit.

Kyle had a strong urge to sniff his jacket again. He wondered if that stuff really had worked. He didn't know if it diminished pre-existing smells or not. Bebe didn't say.

"...baby." Stan was looking at Kyle. What did he say?  
"I'm sorry, what?"

"I was saying we're getting babies in home ec today."

"B-babies? Oh gee, fellas, I'll get grounded if I bring a baby home!"

"They're not real, Butters. They're baby dolls that cry when they're hungry and tired. You can break their necks too. I remember Shelly had to bring one home when she took home ec."

"Fuck that! I'm not playing with any fucking lame dolls!" Cartman slammed his hands on the table. Unfortunately, his spoon had been resting peacefully where his hand landed. The spoon flew into the air. The spoon screamed before hitting Craig in the head.

Uh-oh.

Craig stalked over to Cartman. "Watch it, fat ass." Craig flipped him off as the bell signaling the end of lunch rang.

Kyle cradled his head into his hands. Sure, Craig had always been a dick to them, but things had calmed down recently. Cartman had just given Craig an excuse to start another feud between their two groups. Kyle took a deep breath.

Hey! He couldn't smell any body odor. At all! Health insurance could take a few notes on that stuff Bebe had given him.

Kyle felt a tug on his arm. "We're going to be late," Stan said before letting go of Kyle's arm.

Kyle had home ec with Stan, Kenny, Butters, and Cartman. It was the only class they all shared, and they only went to this class one day a week. They also shared the class with Craig's gang, Bebe, and Wendy. Oh, and Jimmy was there as well.

The last time Stan and Wendy had broken up was in middle school. They hadn't been together since as a couple, but they had remained cordial. Kyle knew Wendy felt the relationship between her and Stan wasn't going anywhere. She had confided in Kyle right after their break up. Stan still didn't know his ex-girlfriend went to his best friend for comfort. Not the romantic kind of comfort or anything, but Kyle and Wendy knew Stan better than anyone else. They knew the good and the bad. The only difference was Kyle was willing to stick by him through it all. Wendy had bigger prospects, Kyle guessed.

"Good afternoon, class!" Kyle groaned. He didn't know why Mr. Garrison decided teaching high school would be easier and less stressful than teaching elementary. At least Mr. Garrison only taught home economics and a few electives. The supervisors didn't trust him with the core classes.

"G-g-g-g-g-good afternoon, Mr. Garrison." Jimmy was the only one cheerful enough to return his greeting. Usually he and Butters chorused (and stuttered on beat) the greeting together, but Butters still seemed to be worried about getting grounded.

"Well class, I hope you're excited. You're all going to be parents for the next week." Mr. Garrison rolled a table with a cloth covering it to the front of the room. "Now, we're going to do something a little different."

Kyle instantly thought of the time he and Stan had to care for that stupid egg. That had been stressful. Stan had been a paranoid klutz at the time; Kyle had just been paranoid. He hoped Mr. Garrison didn't have an agenda this time...

"Just like in the real world, you will be paired up with someone else. Someone random. You can't always help who you have a baby with, but you do have the option to switch partners. However, you have to wear these bracelets. The more times you change partners, the higher your chances to contract an STD. For each STD your bracelet says you contract, I will lower your grade by a whole letter grade. That's 10 percent! And since you're all such little whores, you don't get to choose the ethnicity of your baby. And your baby may or may not have addictions. It's up to you to figure out if your child has the symptoms of being a crack baby, having fetal alcohol syndrome, addicted to nicotine, etc. If you don't figure out what kind of addiction your baby has, if any, I will lower your grade by another letter. And if your baby dies, you fail. Now, I'm going to randomly assign you each a partner."

What... the fuck? Everyone in the classroom had a dumbfounded look on their faces. This assignment was going to be intense! They had to take care of some random addict baby doll for a week, and if they got stuck with a terrible partner (read Cartman), they could switch at the risk of an STD. Kyle needed to pass this class with an A! He couldn't afford to get less than an A on this assignment. He hoped he got a good partner. He sneaked a glance at Stan. Stan was openly staring at Kyle. Stan shrugged. They should be used to Mr. Garrison's crazy schemes by now.

"The first person from the pairs will be the mother. If he or she decides to switch partners, he or she must take the baby with them. No couple can have more or less than one baby. Kyle... You and Stan are partners. Bebe is with Tweek." Tweek yelped and cowered. "Wendy and Jimmy. Butters and Clyde. Craig and Cartman. Token and Kenny."

Kyle sighed with relief. He would trust Stan this time. He would trust him and hope Mr. Garrison didn't have any awful plans to make them fail.

"Now, let me introduce you to your babies." Mr. Garrison pulled the cloth off the table. The baby dolls started screaming at the top of their anamatronic lungs. "Each of my mothers come up and grab a pair of bracelets and a baby bag. Each pair of bracelets is attached to one baby. The blue bracelet, the father's, can be reset to a different pink bracelet, the mother's. The bag has an extra diaper, a bottle, a pacifier, and a blanket. The babies have different sensors. They'll record if you don't change their diapers within the appropriate time frame, make them wait too long for food, or let them get too hot or cold. If you fail to take proper care of the babies, I will drop you a letter grade."

Kyle, Bebe, Wendy, Butters, Craig, and Token went to the front of the classroom to pick out their bracelets.

"When you push this button," Mr. Garrison pushed a big red button on Kyle's bracelet. One of the infants stopped screaming. "Your baby will be comforted for a few seconds. However, this is cheating. The bracelet will record how many times you push the button. If you constantly hit the button to calm the baby..."  
"You'll drop us a letter grade. We get it already." Craig muttered.

Kyle went to the baby that had gone silent. His and Stan's child. He picked up the baby and held it at arm''s length. It began to scream again.

The baby didn't look deformed. It had a shock of black plastic hair on its head. When it opened its eyes between screams, Kyle could see it had green eyes. He held the baby closer to him and checked its diaper. It was a he.

"Wow, Kyle. What a fag." Cartman called from his seat.

"Shut up, fat ass," Kyle huffed and went back to his seat next to Stan. The baby wasn't crying anymore. He made hiccuping noises though. Kyle put the baby on his shoulder and patted his back. He had seen his mom do this to Ike when he was a baby.

The other mothers retrieved their babies. Kyle could tell right away which couples had the addicted babies. Wendy had a crack baby. Butters' looked like it had FAS. There was something wrong with Craig's, but Kyle couldn't tell what. Bebe's baby wasn't crying as much as the others, and wasn't moving as much. Token's and Kyle's seemed to be the only two active, "normal" babies.

"Now, before the daddies get too attached, who wants to switch partners at the risk of an STD?" Everyone's hands shot up. Everyone's except Kyle and Stan's. Kyle sighed with relief. He was halfway afraid Stan would want to be with Wendy instead of him.

"You can choose your new partner, or I can assign you a new one. Your choice." Mr. Garrison seemed to be having too much fun with this.

Tweek jumped away from Bebe and went to Craig. Ever since Bebe's slut party, Tweek had had a slight phobia of girls. If phobias could be slight. Kyle had noticed Tweek seemed calmer around Craig than most people.

Token and Kenny stepped toward Butters and Clyde together. Token patted Kenny on the back in apology. Token and Clyde were close friends; Butters and Kenny were close friends; it made sense to want to do this terrible assignment with a good friend instead of an occasional rival. It was clear there weren't any hard feelings there. Butters was red and kneading knuckles again.

Bebe and Cartman were the only two without partners, but Wendy and Jimmy had raised their hands as well. Kyle figured Bebe and Wendy would get together, forcing Cartman and Jimmy to be parents. Oh wait, Bebe and Wendy were both mothers. That was the hold up. The two girls stared at each other for a long time. If Kyle were Tweek, he would think they were communicating telepathically. It did seem like they had come to an understanding without words. Bebe sighed and walked toward Jimmy. Wendy sat next to Cartman.

"Alright, then. Fathers, push the little blue button on your bracelets. Mothers, your little pink button. Oh my, that sounds dirty. Sync your bracelets and see if you contracted an STD." Garrison was really, really enjoying this too much.

Kenny's bracelet blinked. So did Bebe's. Did that mean Butters and Jimmy had given them STDs? Their bracelets didn't blink.

"Okay! Kenny and Bebe have at least one STD. If anyone spends too much time with either of these two, you might contract the STD too. Oh, you have to keep your bracelets on for the entire week. That includes shower time."

"That's not how STDs work!" Wendy shouted.

"Oh, a little expert, are we?" Mr. Garrison snickered.

"'Ey! Shuddup, hippie fag!"

"Calm down, Eric. I wasn't talking to you. I don't care about your sex lives, but this experiment is meant to show you how wrong things can go when you hang out with the wrong crowd. You get pressured to do things. You may be forced to do things you don't want. This exercise will help you in the future when you're faced with adult things." Mr. Garrison's eyes had watered a little during his speech. He cleared his throat and continued. "Alright, spend the rest of class time to pick out a name for your baby."

"Adolf!" Cartman yelled out.

Kyle threw a ball of paper at him.

"We can't name the baby Adolf," Wendy said.

"Yeah, listen to her, fat ass." Stan had his hand on Kyle's shoulder to calm him down. The baby began to cry again.

"It's a girl," Wendy continued. Cartman grinned.

"Adolfa, then."

_Alright, there's chapter two. Just for my two lovely reviewers :) Don't worry, I'll get back to the stinky plot next chapter_.


	3. Chapter 3

_ Special thanks to all of the people who took a moment of their time to review my story :) Thank you xIcedRainbiwsx (hehe hope I didn't make the baby thing too obvious), CraigxMotherfuckingxTucker (you'll have to tell me if your hunches are correct later ;) ), SarySoda (hehehe I liked Adolfa too), ElissaTucker3 (thanks for your continued support 3 [I know it's only three chapters in, but still :)]) I'll update chapter four as soon as I can, guys. I'm graduating from university this Saturday and in the process of switching apartments. Wish me luck. I'll need it. Much love. Now, on with the story!_

"Fine! We'll name our baby Winston," Kyle shot back at Cartman.

"Pfft. What a faggy name. Kenny should name his fag baby Camel so you'll match." Cartman folded his arms and sneered at Kyle.

"Goddamn it, Cartman. Winston Churchill. Not the cigarettes." Stan put his hand on Kyle's leg and squeezed. The baby was crying full blast.

"Speaking of cigarettes, the babies have a smoke detector inside of them as well. I'll know if you're smoking around the babies! So don't unless…"

"We get it already," half the class yelled at Mr. Garrison. The bell rang. There were only two more periods left in the school day. Maybe the babies would stop crying before it was time to go home. Kyle didn't think it was likely.

"Hey, Kiiiinny. I told you you had STDs." Cartman reached his finger out like he was going to poke Kenny, and drew it back quickly. "You're so gross, Kenny!"

"I'll fucking kill you," Kenny's voice was muffled, but everyone knew he was perturbed. Kenny followed Cartman out the door.

"Wendy, there's no way you can get an A if you let him around your baby," Stan whispered as he, Kyle, and Wendy left their home ec room. Kyle and Wendy were each jostling their babies. They had stopped crying. Craig's baby was crying loudly behind them. Tweek was almost crying as loudly.

"I'm not leaving him alone with Adolfa. He can't do too much harm if I watch him closely. Although, he may surprise me…" Wendy bit her bottom lip and furrowed her brow.

"You're really calling it that?" Kyle fell behind. His next class was the opposite way. Stan and Wendy had their next class together.

"If I let him have his way on something small, he'll be easier to deal with." Wendy looked exasperated. She was probably having second doubts about leaving Jimmy. He would have been more help than Cartman. Then Bebe would have been stuck with the fat ass. Wendy could handle him better than almost anyone else.

Stan patted Kyle and Winston on their heads before following Wendy into their next class. Kyle's next class was with Clyde, Butters, and Tweek. At least they weren't all mothers. Butters' baby had been almost as loud as Craig's though. What if Kyle's baby sensed Butters' baby and they started having a screaming contest? In the middle of AP European History? Dread sunk low in Kyle's stomach.

As soon as Ms. Haus began talking about the Plague, Butters' baby started screaming.

"H-hush, Aran," Butters cradled the baby frantically. He was close to tears himself.

"Aran? What is that?" Clyde leaned forward.

"I-it's her name. It means bread in I-Irish. Th-that way she connects with both me and Kenny!" Butters blushed. He would have rubbed his hands together if they weren't full with the baby doll.

"You do know it's just a doll, right?" Clyde leaned closer to Butters and blew behind his ears. Butters' eyes grew wide and he nervously looked around.

"Have you guys noticed any changes since… uh… Bebe gave us that deodorant?" Kyle couldn't hear Ms. Haus over the sound of Butters'… Aran… crying. He might as well ask them. His doll was snoring lightly against his chest.

Clyde lifted his arm and sniffed his pit. "Hey! It doesn't smell like cheese anymore!" Clyde exclaimed when he brought his head back up.

Cheese? Huh. Kyle looked at Tweek and Butters.

"Gah! D-don't ask me that!" Tweek sniffed his wrist anyway. "S-smells different n-n-ah-now."

"Aw hamburgers, fellas. I d-didn't notice I stunk anyway."

Kyle could understand Clyde smelling funky. Butters always seemed clean, and Tweek smelled like coffee. Kyle didn't know how a coffee smell was bad unless it was coffee breath. There must be some kind of mistake to the list. He'd have to ask Stan later. Maybe this time he would leave Wendy out of the list investigation.

~%~%~%

Craig had his last class of the day with Cartman. He was going to get back at that fat dick. It had been awhile since Craig had done anything to put Cartman in his place. But what could he do this time?

The baby doll hiccuped. Ugh. Why did he have to take home ec? He was able to take shop instead in elementary; why couldn't he do that now? Whatever. At least his whole gang was in that class.

The administration had thought it was a swell idea to keep the home ec classes small for more individualized attention. Home ec was important! Men couldn't rely on women as much anymore in this economy. Yeah, right. Sounds like baloney. Craig's grade had been split up into two or three different groups for the home ec. Their group had home ec on Thursday. Just his luck, they were the first group to deal with these stupid dolls. The next group would have the dolls the week after Craig's group had them.

Fuck them. Craig wasn't going to have children anyway.

Cartman started jiggling in his seat. How attractive. Craig rolled his eyes. What was he so excited about anyway? This could be good.

Cartman surveyed the classroom to make sure no one was looking. Craig put his head on his desk before Cartman could catch him staring or get suspicious. Craig peeked up from his notebook.

Cartman was rummaging through his backpack. He grinned and zipped his bag. He threw it over his shoulders as the bell rang. Cartman ran out as quickly as his fat legs would let him. Craig followed. Cartman was running by Tweek's classroom. Craig would drop the stupid baby doll off with its daddy. He wouldn't lose sight of Cartman that quickly.

Just as he hoped, Tweek came out of the classroom as Cartman passed it. Craig jogged to Tweek and gave him the doll.

"Hold on to this for a second. Don't drop it!" He didn't stop to listen to Tweek's stuttered words about some conspiracy theory. He had a fat man to catch up to.

The fat ass went behind the school to the dumpsters. Again, Cartman looked around him to make sure no one was around. He grabbed a plastic bag from his book bag and threw it in the dumpster.

"Craig?" Craig jumped. Had someone followed **him**? He turned around and saw Wendy clutching her baby. Maybe he could have been sneaky with his in tow. Probably not.

"Hey." Craig stuffed his hands in his pockets. He didn't need to play it cool; he was cool.

"What are you doing back here?" Wendy stepped to the side and peered around the corner. Cartman had already strutted off. She wouldn't think Craig was following the fat ass. Make something up.

"I thought I would catch Kenny smoking back here." Craig said simply. Kenny was known to sneak away to various places to have a smoke break during and after school. His fib wasn't too farfetched. He could have been trying to catch Kenny so he could blackmail him, or catch him to talk to him. Craig mentally patted himself on the back.

"Oh. Well, good luck!" Wendy walked past Craig and around the corner.

Craig went back toward the front of the school. Wait... what had Wendy been doing there? The parking lot was in the other direction. He should have asked her. He didn't really care. Normally, he wouldn't be sleuthing around anyway. Craig seriously wanted to catch Cartman doing something devious. He would catch him and blackmail him and make him suffer. Cartman had thrown his last spoonful of mashed potatoes at Craig.

Speaking of things babies could eat, Craig had to find Tweek before he dropped their assignment.

~%~%~%

"C-Craig... w-what are you- Gah!- doing again?" Craig was inside a dumpster... A D-DUMPSTER filled with TRASH and DISEASES and HYPODERMIC S-SYRINGES. Gah!

"Cartman is up to something. I'm going to find out what. I don't see it!" A bang resounded behind the school as Craig hit the inside of the dumpster. Tweek screamed. C-Craig probably broke his h-hand. H-he'll need to go to the h-h-h-hospital! They'll amputa-tate his arm, t-then he won't be able to h-help with the d-doll! Too much pressure! Gah!

"Sorry." Craig peeked out from under the dumpster's lip. He stared at Tweek. His eyes began to look glassy. S-something in the dumpster is m-making Craig go blind! Aah! Tweek tentatively stepped closer. Craig's eyes followed him. Maybe he wasn't going b-blind.

O-okay. This is almost too close t-to the dumpster. The g-germs will come and attack.

Craig hoisted himself out of the metal container. He walked to Tweek. C-covered in bacteria... a-and week-old lunches... and... ugh!

Craig grabbed Tweek's hand before he could flinch away. He brought Tweek's wrist to his nose and inhaled. Craig kissed Tweek's pulse point. Tweek yelped and pulled his hand away. He shoved the baby against Craig and ran away.


	4. Chapter 4

_Special thanks to TheWhitestBlackGirlEver (thanks for the anticip...ation :D), SarySoda (your name reminds me of _The Outsiders 3_), and CraigxMotherfuckingxTucker (Craig shouldn't be doing that to his mom anyway! Annnnd you're close. Not quite a love potion, but we'll see soon enough. Also, thanks for the luck :3). Much love to you guys and everyone else who has added my story to their alerts and favorites. _

** This chapter has a sexual scenario. If you feel uncomfortable with certain sexual acts, you might want to skip to the first ~%~%~%~ **

Tweek ran back to his house and fled to his room. His parents were at the coffee shop, th-thank goodness.

Tweek dove for his bottom drawer. He dug beneath his underwear until he found the little silicone thing he was looking for.

He held his hand out. A d-dirty, f-filthy Craig had touched him there. Tweek could imagine the millions of germs crawling all over him. He shed his clothes and flopped on his bed. D-dirty, d-dirty, d-dirty Craig...

The thing he had pulled from his drawer was circular. It looked like a child's bracelet, but where a jewel may have been were a battery and a button. Tweek pushed the button and the silicone began to hum. He put the ring at the base of his dick.

Tweek had always had a problem with twitching and flinching uncontrollably. He hated it. Passionately. With the dick ring, he had some sort of control over titillating spasms.

Gah-ha~ah. He moved the ring closer to the tip of his penis. He held the wrist Craig had kissed to his lips. F-filthy, f-filthy. H-he mmm~ah c-could catch a disease f-from th- aah~this.

He pumped the ring up and down his cock. He could feel himself twitching all over, but the pulsating in his penis was dominating everything else.

C-Craig had been s-so dirty, ye-yet mmm~ so beautiful, ah! The way he had looked at Tweek from the dumpster... Gaah!

Tweek released his wrist from his mouth and brought it down below his testicles. He brushed them lightly before traveling farther south. He flicked his asshole roughly. Mmm-haaa ah! He pumped his penis faster while inserting a finger into his ass. He moved his hands simultaneously and roughly. Sss-ah.

"C-Craaaig...sooo d-dirtyy nnn." Tweek groaned and angled his penis away from his face. Too... much... nn... pressure. Hot, white cum shot from his penis. He panted and turned off the dick ring.

"Tweek..." Craig's head was poked between the Tweek's bedroom door and the wall. His face was red. Tweek couldn't see it, but Craig's hard wood was pressed against the hardwood door.

No, Tweek couldn't see that Craig was aroused. He saw disgust on Craig's contorted face.

Tweek began screaming and throwing his pillows at Craig. "Gah! Get out get out get out get out get out get out get out."

"Tweek! Stop for a..."

"G-go!" Tweek threw a book at Craig's head. Craig ducked out and slammed the door. Tweek could hear the baby doll crying as Craig walked down the stairs. Tweek put his face into his hands before he remembered both hands had bodily fluids on them. G-gah!

~%~%~%~

"K-Ken, you can't smoke around Aran!" Butters grabbed the cigarette from Kenny's mouth.

"Why not? You're already smoking. Smoking hot." Kenny winked at Butters. He had walked Butters home from school. It was something he liked to do, but rarely had a good enough excuse. Now that they were assigned homework Kenny could actually help with, he had a perfect excuse to spend more time with Butters.

"M-my parents will ground me if they caught you smoking in the house anyway." Butters took a step away from Kenny. The baby was whimpering, but hadn't started crying yet. Butters had wanted to research fetal alcohol syndrome. He knew his and Kenny's baby had it from the pictures in his home economics book. The book had details on symptoms of FAS and everything, but it didn't have any information on the best way for parents to deal with a baby with FAS.

If the doll had been Butters' real child, he would have felt terrible for giving her all of the health problems. But the doll wasn't a real child, so Butters could think her small size was cute. Butters had put the doll in the floor to see if she would crawl.

"I-I think Aran is around 6 months old. S-she's small for that age, b-but that's part of her condition." Aran's mechanical arms and legs had started to move. She crawled in a zig-zag motion and almost tipped over a few times. "H-her clumsiness is also part of FAS."

Butters pulled his laptop to the floor with him so he could be closer to the baby in case she hurt herself... or did something that would hurt a real baby. Kenny had been sitting on Butters' bed. He slumped down next to the other blonde.

"She has fas because you got drunk when you were pregnant? Butters is a naughty boy." Kenny drawled. Instead of saying each letter, he pronounced FAS as if it were a word.

"A-aw hamburgers, K-Kenny. I-I wasn't pregnant!" Butters rubbed his knuckles together. Kenny was sitting too close to Butters. It was distracting him from his research.

Kenny pulled his hood down. He leaned closer to the smaller blonde and swept his lips across Butters'. "You know, you smell really good..."

Butters jumped away from Kenny. "W-w-what...?"

"You took away my cigarette. I had to keep my mouth occupied somehow." Kenny scooted closer to Butters again and rubbed his nose on Butters' neck. "So good."

"Butters? What is this!" Linda Stotch was at Butters' door with a couple glasses of milk and a tray of cookies.

"M-mom! I-it's not... puh-please don't ground me." Tears welled up in Butters' eyes. His mom dropped the tray she was carrying.

"I think you need to leave now, Mr. McCormick!" Linda screeched at Kenny. She grabbed him by his parka. She locked Butters into his room before dragging Kenny downstairs and out of the house.

Butters let his tears fall. "B-but... I wanted m-milk and cookies."

~%~%~%~

"Dude, do you smell that?" Token looked up from his computer. Clyde was playing with the baby in Token's huge room.

Oh no. What if that stuff Bebe had given him hadn't worked? Play it cool, Clyde. Play it cool.

"Nope, but my allergies have been acting up. Maybe it's the baby." Clyde lay the baby down and pulled the extra diaper from the baby bag. These babies were high-tech enough, he didn't doubt if they had a function specifically to abuse the humans' olfactory glands.

"Huh." Token went back to browsing the internet.

~%~%~%~

"Craig and Tweek's baby is either addicted to heroin or caffeine. It seems to have some kind of withdrawal symptoms, and it's tired a lot. Theirs was the only one I couldn't really figure out," Kyle said from his desk. Stan was sprawled out on Kyle's bed reading _Pride and Prejudice_; the baby doll was curled up beside him. Sleep mode had been activated.

"Uh-huh. I don't understand what Darcy sees in Elizabeth. She's so mean to him."

"Darcy wasn't exactly friendly to Elizabeth either, you know." Kyle stretched and went to sit on the bed. He always helped Stan with his literature classes. Stan's current teacher liked classic literature more than anything. That meant no sci-fi or fantasy. Those had always been Stan's favorite.

"But he's a guy. Guys have to act cool around girls or the girls won't like them!" At least Stan was getting into _Pride and Prejudice_.

"Because you're the expert on girls..." Kyle rolled his eyes. He picked up the novel he was assigned to read: _Lolita. _Kyle was taking a concurrent course called Russian Literature. The books were in English; they were interesting; and he was getting college credit. It was a triple win.

"I know more about them than you. You've never had a girlfriend." Stan didn't look up from his reading.

"So what. I never said I had some bullshit theory on girls. I could care less about most of them." Kyle leaned back on the bed and across Stan's calves. He faced the ceiling. That was the closest he had come to telling Stan he had never had any real romantic interest in girls... or other guys. Just Stan. Always Stan. Stan?  
Stan shifted his weight and pulled his legs from under Kyle. He rotated his and the doll's bodies until his face was a few inches away from Kyle's.

"What is that smell?" Stan's voice had gotten husky. Suddenly, Kyle became self-conscious. Stan could smell his stench! Dude, fucking gross. He probably only made himself believe Bebe's deodorant had worked.

Stan rested his head against Kyle's chest and fell asleep. Kyle's breathing hitched. He choked on air. He forced himself to calm down by slowly inhaling and exhaling. Stan had always been a touchy person. This shouldn't get him worked up. Kyle fell asleep with a grin on his face.


	5. Chapter 5

_Wow! Thanks to everyone who reviewed. __**ElissaTucker3 **__(he definitely did enjoy the show ;) ), __**xxHatsuneXMikuXFanxx**__(I hope you love the other couplings as well! This chapter has one weird couple in it haha), __**CraigxMotherfuckingxTucker**__ (I'm always excited to see your lovely reviews. Haha well, if you consume as much caffeine as Tweek, idle hands have to be the worst things heehee), __**fullmoonwolf950 **__(Thanks for all of your lovely reviews :3. Butters mom has always and will always be a bitch. She didn't make an exception even for my story :( ), __**CosmicNerd**__(duly noted and the rating has been changed :). When I was in high school (seems like ages ago...) my cousin had to bring home a doll like these. If you didn't hold its head right, it would record a broken neck. It would dirty its diaper (I think it would start smelling bad. I think it may have wet the diaper, but no fecal matter). I think my dolls are more high-tech than the ones my high school used, but I'm sure there are some out there that are even more sophisticated. OH! And thanks for your lovely words), __**Monthadog**__ (Yay! Always happy to excite :P. I really wanted to update after I got your review, but I have my excuses after the thank you's) __**kyleisgod **__(I was a little worried when I first started this story about the characters being in character. Thanks for encouraging me that I'm doing a somewhat decent job. I feel a little bit of pressure now haha! There may be a little OOCness this chapter. Please let me know what you think :) ), __**Chrissymay**__ (Your demanding pushed me over the edge and made me finish this chapter ;) Thanks to you! Things will be getting interesting after this chapter!) _

_Sorry I didn't update for a couple of days. Moving out and graduation were a little stress-inducing. Buuuuuut I know hold three degrees with three minors. Now for a short break before grad school. _

_By the way, my boyfriend found and read the first chapter of this... hahahahaha I was surprised. He said it seemed "somehow gay. But you like that stuff." 3 I'm just glad he didn't read the last chapter. _

_Ding ding._

"Uh-uh-uh-oh."

"What's wrong?" Bebe had brought Jimmy back to her house after school. Their doll seemed to be a little older than the others' babies. She didn't cry as much as the others and she was a little bigger. Despite being bigger than the others, the doll would not crawl. Bebe had put her on the floor. The doll used her arms to raise her chest. Her belly and legs were still on the ground. She used her arms to do a sort of crawl, but would not move her legs.

"I-I-I-aiii- seem to have gotten an e-erection." Jimmy was laying on the floor with the kid. Mimicking whatever she did and telling her little jokes. Of course, from the floor he had a nice view of Bebe's shapely, perfectly capable legs. Those shapely legs swiveled the computer chair around. Jimmy's eyes roamed up Bebe's slightly parted limbs and up to her skirt. He could see her hot pink panties. Jimmy's face flushed and he quickly moved his eyes to Bebe's face. He didn't mean to be a pervert. He just appreciated nice, toned, soft legs.

"Did I do that to you, Jimmy?" Bebe smirked and separated her legs a little more. Jimmy turned away. Don't look, Jimmy. Don't look. He hated punchlines when he was the joke. She was just toying with him.

"N-n-no. Wuh-wuh-well, maybe. I random-randomly get erections. Ev-ever since 4th grade. Th-thuh hookers in Denver say it's nor-normal." Jimmy buried his head in the carpet.

"I may not be a hooker, but I do know a thing or two about erections." Bebe stood up and walked to Jimmy. Jimmy was different than the other guys. He had a sense of humor. He made her laugh, and he was a nice guy. They were stuck being partners on this stupid assignment, and the least she could do was relieve his stress. Her mom had taught her some tricks that would put Liane Cartman to shame. And she was still a virgin.

"It-it-it-it-aiii-it's gone now." Jimmy's muffled voice came from the carpet. He was lying, but this was too embarrassing. He didn't want Bebe to feel obligated to do anything for him. And he hadn't even taken her out to dinner! If Nut Gobbler could have a fancy dinner every time he had to see her, why couldn't Bebe?

Bebe sat next to Jimmy on the floor. The baby still wasn't moving her legs. Bebe didn't know what kind of disorder that was, or if it was one at all.

"Don't be a carpet muncher, Jimmy. At least look at me when you are speaking. We need to give our daughter a name." Bebe's voice lost it's seductive tone and went back to its normal haughtiness.

"I-I-I've been thinking about that." Jimmy raised his head from the floor. He used his crutches to propel himself into a sitting position. "How-how-how about Nutina? I-I-I want-want-wanted to honor a good friend of mine and-and-and Tina Fey. She-she-she's the best."

Jimmy looked so excited about the name. He must have been excited to be able to help in some way. He couldn't hold the doll very well because of his crutches, so a majority of the work would go to Bebe by default. He could keep the doll company on the floor and reassure it (even though it had no cognitive abilities), but that didn't change diapers or feed it. He had put more thought into the name than Bebe had, so why deny him that?

"Sure. Nutina it is." Bebe swooped in and gave Jimmy a small peck on the cheek. "I'm glad I'm partnered with you instead of that fat ass."

~%~%~%~

"Ey! Wendy! Where's my chicken?"

"Shut the fuck up already! The only reason I'm your partner is because you have a lot of experience with crack babies and nobody else would have you." Wendy had to promise Cartman KFC for him to come to her house. They had to research different things on how to take care of crack babies. Sure, Cartman had dealt with crack babies before, but he didn't exactly take care of them. Wendy could do the whole assignment by herself, but she felt that the... Adolfa... and any baby should have two parents willing to take care of them. Even if one was bribed with KFC and would not shut up about it.

Oh wait. He was quiet now.

"Yeeeew don't have to beeeee so meeeeaaaaaaan about it. I'm grooooooowing and neeeeeeeed fooooooood." Cartman's eyes were leaking. Wendy really hated when his voice went high-pitched and he drew out his words.

"Fine. We'll take a break and get KFC. But you have to change her diaper."

~%~%~%~

"Seriously, Clyde? You don't see a problem with us having the only minority baby in the class?"

"Yes. It's a travesty. Giving a white boy a Chinese baby and his black friend deciding he would rather be partnered with his best friend instead of a poor kid."

"I never said you were my best friend..."

~%~%~%~

Stan and Kyle had only been taken a thirty minute nap before Stan had to go home for dinner. Shelley was bringing her new boyfriend over for everyone to meet. Much to her chagrin. Randy had insisted, and the boyfriend was eager to please the family. That meant instead of Stan spending the entire rest of the day with Kyle, he had to go home early. It made Kyle a little grumpy, but it wasn't because Stan was leaving him! It's because Stan was leaving him with a crybaby.

The baby cried off-and-on throughout the night. Kyle was surprised his mom hadn't barged in and taken care of the stupid thing. He took Winston downstairs when he woke up. He asked his mom to watch over the thing while he took a shower and got ready for school.

Kyle was on the toilet now. Dropping logs and pissing them in twain. He didn't mind sitting down to piss. He didn't know if that was weird or not. He didn't habitually go around asking dudes if they sat down and pissed with their morning dumps. Kyle leaned forward and ran a hand through his hair. He was exhausted. The only good thing was that today was Friday. Stan could spend all weekend with him and help him with the stupid kid.

Kyle leaned down a little more. Hey! He did smell different. His nose was directly above the crevice between his legs. He smelled... sweeter. Not that he usually noticed how he smelled (unless it was overly terrible), but this was different. The smell was actually a little... arousing. Was this what Stan had smelled last night? What had Bebe given him?

~%~%~%~

Kenny walked to school. This was normal. What wasn't normal was the way he felt. Butters' stupid bitch mom. He hadn't meant to put the moves on Butters. Butters was worth the time he had planned to put into romancing him. But Butters had looked and smelled so enticing yesterday. It made Kenny's head swim. He had been dizzy and lightheaded and even a little giddy. That wasn't the McCormick way. The things Butters did to him... He was the light to Kenny's dark. Kenny knew that. Maybe at first his attraction was based on a desire to corrupt Butters. Which may seem a little odd since Butters' old alter-ego was Professor Chaos and Kenny's was Mysterion. Butters' idea of chaos and mayhem was not...like anyone else's , and Kenny had been more of an anti-hero anyway.

Somewhere along the line, Kenny began to need the balance he got from Butters. He gave up trying to twist and warp Butters a long time ago.

Kenny's bracelet began beeping. What? He broke off into a run. He alternated between jogging and running to school. He wasn't expecting what he saw when he made it to the front doors.

~%~%~%~

"Tweek, c'mon. I'm sorry." Craig's emotionless mask and air of nonchalance had been temporarily broken. Tweek wouldn't look at him. Wouldn't speak to him. And he was walking with that faggy kid, Butters.

"H-he doesn't want to talk to you, Craig." Butters put his hand on Tweek's shoulder and led him away from Craig. Tweek flinched a little at the sudden contact, but he followed.

"Tweek... please?" Craig reached out and grabbed Tweek's wrist. Tweek screamed and vehemently pulled his arm away from Craig. He and Butters continued walking down the hallway.

Craig punched the locker closest to him. The baby doll did not appreciate that. It started crying. What. The. Hell. He didn't ask Tweek to masturbate to him in the middle of the day. He had followed Tweek to his house, but that was to make sure he didn't scare the kid too much. Craig wanted... needed to talk to Tweek. He had to. And that little butterball was cockblocking him.

"Dude, what's going on?" Kenny came up beside Craig.

"Your partner stole mine! They're doing the baby project together now. I swear to God, if you give me an STD, McCormick..."

"Wait, Butters and Tweek are together?"

"For this assignment... and for now. Fuck it. I can't deal with **this** right now. Take it." The baby had been screaming ever since he left Tweek's house yesterday. He didn't want to deal with it anymore.

"Your baby reeks. Didn't you change the diaper?"

"I've had other things to worry about."

"Fine, I'll do it. What's its name?"

"Ha. I don't even know what gender it is." With that, Craig walked away. Kenny was left with the baby doll, the bag, and a wilted heart. It's just a stupid school project. God, he fucking hated Craig. Right now, he hated Tweek more. He took his Butters away from him. He really hated dry toast.

"Let's go, Breakfast. I'll change your diaper and feed you. And all before second period starts."


	6. Chapter 6

_A big thank you for all who added my story to their favorites and their story alerts! Special thanks to __**Kisym**__(No, this isn't my first fan fic. It's just my first SP fic :). I'm a journalist anyway, so I have to write many different articles with many different "main characters." I think that's why I'm so paranoid about getting the character portrayals as close to IC as I can. Good luck with your first fic :)! Don't give up. Fight, fight, fight!), __**ElissaTucker3 **__(It's always a pleasure to read your sweet comments. Sorry, but the Creek pairing hits another snag in this chapter. I promise soon things will start falling into place for everyone! 3 much love!), __**CosmicNerd**__ (You! I love you for reviewing! Don't worry, things will get better... after this chapter... maybe ;). More JimBe in this chapter for you. Is that even what the pairing is called? I don't think I've ever seen them paired together haha!), __**fullmoonwolf950**__ (Don't worry about Kenny. He'll get some Butter on his toast soon enough ;) ), __**Monthadog**__ (I laughed. So. Hard. My boyfriend is from Saudi Arabia. He doesn't really have an accent, but sometimes he says things in a funny way. The whole comment about the fanfic was really hilarious :3), and ____(So far my story has been lacking in the Cloken aspect. I will fix that as soon as I can! I don't want to rush things for them (if they do get together-together hehe.) We'll have to see!) _

_Okay guys, I'm leaving for Costa Rica on Sunday. I'll be gone for nine days. I'll probably write part of the next chapter while I'm there. I'm not sure if I'll update or not. I'm excited to show everyone what happens next though. I'll need a couple more lovely reviews to motivate me. You guys are all so wonderful! Thanks again for your support. Now, read. Enjoy. Review. _

"Stan. Kyle." Kenny had waited by their class until the end of first period. He would need their help if he wanted to get Butters away from the spastic blonde. His feelings for Butters aside, he really didn't want to work with Cranky Craig.

"Kenny? Why do you have Craig's baby?" Kyle was too observant. He had probably already made a scrapbook for his and Stan's baby doll. He already had a baby carrier and baby blankets. Kenny guessed the carrier would be easier than holding the baby and the blankets to smother his cries... idea!

"Long story short..."

"Kenny, I will kill you." Stan said in a deadpan tone that could rival Craig's.

"Sorry. Tweek took Butters away. I'm stuck with Craig. You guys have to help me get Butters back."

"Dude, it's just a week long assignment. Can't you deal with Craig for that long?"

"How about you trade me Stan for Craig then."

"Point taken."

"What are you douches doing?" Cartman sneaked up on the trio.

"We- uh- were just saying how it would be fun to get our home ec class together later. So-uh – it'll be easier to take care of these stupid dolls." Kyle didn't want to spend time with the others. He just wanted to play with his doll and Stan. The stupid thing had kept him up all night though.

"Yeah, being surrounded by hippies, fags, and crying monsters. Oh, and the dolls too. Sounds like a blast." Cartman rolled his eyes and pushed by the other boys.

"What if we all go down to Casa Bonita?" Stan and the other boys had grown out of their love for Casa Bonita, but Cartman... Cartman hadn't grown up at all.

"Really? I guess I can hang out with all of you butt holes. Let's go right after school!" Cartman danced and skipped away. The other three boys were left behind, shaking their heads.

"The fat ass never changes... Why did we have to invite him and Wendy again?" Kyle stood in front of the doorway to his Russian Literature class. He was the only one in it, and the teacher was never there. They had to use a distance learning program since it was a college class and the nearest college was in Denver.

"Dude. They're our friends!"

"And, more importantly, Butters won't suspect anything! I can try to get him back without him suspecting anything. If he does suspect someone of plotting something, it'll be Cartman. If you guys see the others, let them know about Casa Bonita. I'll be back by lunch." And with that, Kenny fled the school with Craig's baby.

"You would think he was in love with Butters..." Stan's eyes were still trained on the spot Kenny had stood a few seconds ago.

"Dude..."Kyle shook his head and went inside the distance learning lab. He wouldn't want his professor to ask him why he was late. Not with all of those college students in his classroom and Kyle all alone in his.

~%~%~%~

"And that's what happ-happened, Tim Tim,"

"Timmuhiiy. Timmy, Timmy."

"What-what do you mean absurd? Bebe and I buh-both developed quickly. I thuh-think you're just jealous, Tim Tim."

"Timmy. Timmy Timmy Timmmuhiiy."

"We're not-not whores!"

"Jimmy! Timmy! Please keep quiet. You're upsetting Nathan."

"Timmuh!"

~%~%~%~

Fourth period had finally arrived. Kyle needed to ask the other boys about that weird stuff Bebe had given them. He had used it again this morning, just to experiment. Not because he was attracted to his own scent or anything like that. The deodorant did make him smell amazing though.

"Hey, guys. Want to go to Casa Bonita later? It'll be fun, and this way we won't have to spend time alone with these dolls." Kyle sat in his usual seat. The other three boys nodded in affirmative.

"Dudes, I never want children. Stupid Chink cried all night long." Clyde's upper body was sprawled across his desk. A white streak of (presumably) toothpaste stained the side of his mouth. He looked like crap.

"Cuh-Clyde. I don't think thuh-that's okay to say," Butters' face went red. He looked around the classroom to make sure there weren't any Asian students. Clyde raised his head from his desk.

"Chill, asshole. That's what we named the kid. We figure it's okay since Token is the 'mom.'" Clyde's arms still spilled over the front of his desk. He moved just enough to make air quotes around mom.

"Wuh-what do you mean? Wuh-what does Token being the mom have to do with it?"

"Don't you know? It's okay for minorities to use racial slurs. Black people don't care if Hispanics..." Clyde darted his eyes around the room and lowered his voice. "call people "nigga." Hispanics don't care if Black people call them beaners. Asian people... okay, well I only know the City Wok guy, but I guess Chinese people don't mind if Black people call them Chinks. Minorities hate it when white people use racial slurs though. Actually, mostly just white men. Have you noticed how girls can call each other bitches and hoes, but if a man does it, all hell breaks loose? But! Since I'm with Token, it's okay." Clyde began to look a little more chipper during his explanation.

"That's the biggest..."

"Mr. Donovan, Mr. Broflovski, is there something you would like to share?" The teacher was standing two chairs in front of Clyde. She liked to walk around while she was talking. It made talking in her class a little more difficult than others.

"No, ma'am." Clyde sat up in his chair. No point in trying to relax here. "Evil bitch."

"Excuse me?"

"I said I feel an itch."

Clyde slumped down as soon as her back was turned. Kyle passed him a note.

_Dude, have you noticed anything weird since Bebe gave us that deodorant? _

Clyde rubbed his chin. Some of the toothpaste flaked off from the contact.

_Yeah, I have a fussy Chinese baby now. _

_ What the fuck! I mean about the way you smell. The way people act around you? _

Clyde rested his back against his chair. He looked at a tiny speck on the ceiling while he thought about it.

_I don't smell like b.o. Yesterday Token asked me if I smelled something. I thought the deodorant had worn off, and I was so used to my b.o anyway, that I didn't notice it._

_ Did Token act differently around you after he asked that?_

_ Not really? Why? _

It was Kyle's turn to sit back and think. Stan had definitely acted a little more touchy than normal, right? Maybe Kyle's mean imagination was playing tricks on him. He circled the initial question and passed his and Clyde's note to Butters.

_Actually... Kenny uh... put the moves on me yesterday. He said something about the smell...My mom threw him out! I'm not grounded though! I can probably go to Casa Bonita with you fellas._

Kyle motioned for Butters to pass the note to Tweek. Tweek skimmed his eyes over the piece of paper. His eyes widened when he read the part Butters had written. Tweek started twitching uncontrollably. Kyle had never seen him spazz out this badly. Tweek ran out of the classroom.

Clyde leaned over. "That means _something_ happened between him and Craig." Clyde covered his mouth as he chortled.

Their teacher appeared beside him and smacked him on the head with a ruler.

Winston cried from his baby carrier, the blankets quietening his shrill cries.

~%~%~%~

The boys decided to corner Bebe after their fourth period class ended. When the bell rang, the boys rushed off to the home ec room. They had to know what Bebe had given them

The boys saw Bebe near the same place as yesterday. Kyle reached her first.

"Bebe! What is that stuff?" Kyle put his hand on the wall in front of Bebe. It stopped her from ignoring the boys and walking by. Clyde came up behind her and leaned on the wall. Butters stood in front of her and between the two other boys. Bebe clutched her baby doll closer to her chest. She and Butters were both trembling.

"I-I don't know what you mean..."

"Oh my God, Bebe. Just tell us what that weird stuff is." Kyle slammed his hand into the wall for emphasis. He wasn't angry, but he needed Bebe to tell him what was going on. He had noticed something different with Stan. Butters had said Kenny had come on to him. Something _had_ obviously happened between Tweek and Craig or else Butters and Tweek wouldn't be partners with the stupid baby dolls.

"Please..." Bebe looked at Kyle. None of the boys had raised their voices or threatened her, but when Bebe's eyes locked with Kyle's, he could see the tears threatening to fall.

Then, something whacked him in the back of the head.

"Juh-Jimmy. Uh hey there." Butters greeted Jimmy and stepped back.

"The huh-hell are-aruh-uh are you doing?" Jimmy dropped his crutch back to the floor. Kyle could feel a welt forming where it had hit him.

"We're just having a nice chat. Right, babe?" Clyde grinned at Bebe. His elbow was still resting against the wall. His hand cradled his head. Bebe pushed Clyde. He lost his balance and promptly fell on his ass.

"I told you to stop calling me that! We aren't in elementary school anymore."

Jimmy waddled up to where Clyde fell. He placed one of his crutches on Clyde's chest and pinned him to the ground.

"Dude, stop joking around." Clyde tried to push Jimmy's crutch off his chest.

"I'm nuh-nuh-nuh-aiii-not laughing." Bebe stepped away from Kyle and lightly touched Jimmy's arm before scurrying away. Jimmy pulled away from Clyde. He turned to follow Bebe.

"Jimmy! We're all going to Casa Bonita tonight. You and Bebe should come." Kyle reached a hand down to help Clyde stand.

"I-I-uh-I'll see." Jimmy followed Bebe to the lunchroom.

Clyde stood and dusted his shirt off. "Dudes, I've never seen Jimmy flip out like that before. Except when he was on steroids. Do you guys think he's on steroids again?"

"Dude, I don't know. Let's just go eat."

The trio walked into the cafeteria and saw another spectacle.

Tweek was holding his former baby. Kenny was trying to get it away from Tweek while Craig was talking to the hyperactive blonde.

"Remember- Jesus Christ!- that time I was -gah!- on Nightline and they called me an advocate- ah!- for toddler murder?"

"Tweek. Give Kenny back our assignment. Iwon't forgive you if I get an F in that stupid ass class." Craig was sitting in a chair at the table Tweek was standing on. He stirred the lukewarm peas on his tray.

"Thuh-this- gah!- should have been our project, man!" Tweek held the baby in front of him. The baby jiggled in Tweek's unsteady hands.

"Should have been. You decided you would rather be with the little Butterball."

"You-ah!- know that-that's not true."

"Sorry, I don't have time for a therapy session." Craig grabbed the baby from Tweek's hands and passed it to Kenny. He dumped his tray of food and left the cafeteria before another word could stumble out of Tweek's mouth.

Butters went to the other blondes. "Whuh-what's all of the hullabaloo about, fellas?" Butters was overly aware of the distance between him and Kenny. He tried not to look at the orange boy.

'It's- gah!- nothing. Jesus Christ!" Tweek jumped off the table and sat down. He put his head on the table and buried it under his arms.

Something shiny caught Butters' eye. He glanced at Kenny.

"B-boy howdy, Ken! What's that?" Butters exclaimed, momentarily forgetting to feel awkward.

"You like? I made a baby holder out of duct tape. It's easier to carry Breakfast around like this. She doesn't cry as much when she's strapped to my chest. It comforts her... as it would comfort you..." Kenny stepped closer to Butters and rubbed his thumb along Butters' jaw line.

"Fags!"


	7. Chapter 7

_As always, special thanks to everyone who added my story to their favorites and alerts. Thank you to __**CosmicNerd**__ (Teehee I less than three you too. I'm traveling all over Costa Rica. I'm really excited to go! I'm planning on writing a short story about my adventures there.), __**Monthadog**__ (I hope this little chapter helps with your addiction ;) ), __**Kisym**__ (You're giving away my secrets! Haha you're right. It is a pheromone. This chapter should give you another couple of hints on what's going on.), __****__ (I love virtual hugs and cookies! Thank you! Thanks for the compliments as well. I'll accept any reviews, no matter how far along in the story I am :). Oh, by the way, I'm not your "buddy," pal :3), __**Fullmoonwolf950 **__(Cartman always has to have the last word, right? :) ) _

_I hope you guys don't hate me too much for this chapter. I wanted to get another one up before I left. It's very short and ends in a cliffhanger. And there won't be any answers in the next chapter either. Next chapter will take place at Casa Bonita and the couplings are going to happen. They will, they will! At least somewhat haha. _

"Kiiiinny, what's that?" Cartman changed his tune suddenly. He pointed to the duct tape contraption around Kenny's chest.

"It's a baby carrier, fat ass." Kenny pulled away from Butters so he could face all of the monstrosity of Eric Cartman.

"Hmm. I see. I want in."

"I don't think you'll fit, fat tits."

"No, poor kid! I want in on the production. You and me making InabDUCTable Baby Carriers. I'll split the profit with you, 70/30." Cartman rubbed his hands together. A glint gleamed in his eyes.

"And why do I need your help, fat ass?"

"Because, who would want to buy anything from an noneloquent poor kid? I know how to sell people things they don't need. I've had years of experience. You need me, Kenny. Let's do this."

"Fifty-fifty or no deal."

"You're breaking my balls, Kenny." Kenny continued to stare at Cartman. He didn't say anything more. Kenny straightened his back. Posture was important when defying someone like Cartman. "Fiiiiiine, Kenny. We'll go fifty-fifty."

"Do ya really think they'll sell, Eric?" Butters stepped forward. He had been momentarily forgotten by the other two.

"Do boogers leave stains, Butters? Do boogers leave stains?" Cartman left the three blondes to stand in the lunch line.

Three blondes? Uh, oh yeah! Tweek! Butters sat next to Tweek at the table. He patted his shoulder. "H-hey, buddy. Do ya wanna talk about it?" Tweek had called him at six in the morning begging Butters to be partners with him. Butters didn't know how he could face Kenny after what had happened the day before. He hadn't sorted through his emotions yet. He still hadn't. Besides, one of his friends needed him! He couldn't let Tweek suffer by being with Craig. But, Craig and Tweek had always been kinda... inseparable.

"No-ah!, man. Craig hates me. He's going to run off and impregnate lots of women so I'll have to see him with lots of different people and his babies. It's- it's so much pressure!" Tweek lay his head back on the table. His body shook with silent sobs. Butters patted his shoulder a few more times. He looked at Kenny. He eyes pleaded for the other boy to help. Kenny shrugged.

"Dude, Craig's a dick. Don't worry. You can still play with the doll. Did Kyle ask you guys about Casa Bonita? Fat ass wants to go after school."

Tweek nodded his head in response. He muffled out an assurance that he would be going. At least Kenny that's what Kenny thought he was saying. He could understand his own muffled words, but deciphering someone else's was too hard! Butters grinned from ear to ear.

"He sure did! Aw geez. I have to c-call my mom to ask her. She's still a l-little sore about yesterday." Butters' grin was replaced by a deep blush.

"I wish I had made you a little sore yesterday." Kenny pecked Butters on the cheek before standing in line behind Eric. Kenny said something to Eric. Eric turned around and punched him. Kenny flipped him off in return.

Butters raised his hand to his cheek. He could still feel Kenny's lips burning against his skin. He put his head on the table and mimicked Tweek, twitching included.

"Dude, something really fishy is going on." Kyle had watched Butters, Kenny, Tweek, and Cartman since Butters left him and Clyde. Kenny was never one for public displays of affection. He liked to talk big, but he never kissed his day's ass in public. Kyle couldn't tell if Kenny was playing with Butters or actually serious for once.

"It is Fishstick Friday, dude." Stan replied. Clyde had gone off to find Token and their doll after Butters split. Stan had come up behind Kyle as Clyde was leaving.

"No, you ass. I mean with everyone. Everyone is acting weird. Even you." Especially you, Kyle thought.

"C'mon, dude. Everyone's sleep deprived from these stupid dolls." Stan knelt down to the baby carriage to check on Winston. He poked the doll's silicone cheek.

"That only works for half of us." Kyle huffed.

"Oh, I was sleep deprived too. I was thinking of another kind of baby though." Stan's eyes locked onto Kyle's as he stood slowly.

"Stan... I don't even know what that's supposed to mean." Kyle let out an exasperated sigh and turned his back toward Stan. His face turned as red as his hair. Stan shrugged.

"Hey, dudes. Token said we can take his car to Casa Bonita later!" Clyde cut in front of other kids to talk to Kyle.

"We are not all going to fit in Token's Porsche." Kyle took a deep breath and hoped his face was somewhat normal.

"Not you guys. Me and Token! I just wanted to rub it into your faces. Ha! Ha!" Kyle face-palmed.

"You are such an ass."

"Hey, maybe we could all take Tweek's pedo-van! We would all fit in there." Stan stepped between Clyde and Kyle before the redhead became too hot-headed.

"Do you really trust Tweek to drive us to Casa Bonita? I think that would be too much pressure on him." Kyle's breathing exercises were starting to work. He was light-headed, but his face didn't feel red and he wasn't seeing red.

"I'll ask if I can drive it. I think Tweek will be cool with that. Maybe." Stan glanced at Tweek. His and Butters' faces were still making grooves into the table.

"You guys have fun with that. I'm riding in a Porsche." Clyde stepped in front of Kyle and took a tray of food before hurrying back to where Token was already eating.

"Dick." Kyle and Stan each grabbed an extra tray of food for Tweek and Butters.

"Hey, uh, Tweek. We were wondering if we could take one of your father's vans to Casa Bonita tonight." Stan slid one of the trays he was holding to Tweek. "I'll drive it, so you don't have to stress."

Tweek lifted his head. He looked between the tray of food and Stan before lifting a thermos full of coffee from his back pack. "I-I'll ask. Gah! My dad should be cool with it. He- ah!- likes you guys." Tweek gulped down half of his coffee before digging into the food.

"Awesome!"

~%~%~%~

"They're on to us. They know!" Bebe said in a hushed, trembling voice.

"They can't know unless you said something to them. Calm down, Bebe."

"I told them what I was supposed to. They cornered me after class. If Jimmy hadn't come... I want out."

"It'll be over with soon. Let's wait it out and see what happens. It'll be interesting, right? This is your chance to show them what it feels like."

"I know... It's easy for you to say. No one suspects you."

"And it's going to stay that way until the very end, right?"  
"Right..."


	8. Chapter 8

_ Updates from Costa Rica! Thanks to everyone who reviewed, favorited, and signed up for alerts. I have limited Wi-Fi, so no time to go through my e-mails to thank everyone individually, but know that you are loved mucho 3. Lemme know what you think, dearies! I enjoy reading your thoughts and opinions. This chapter is really long and has many different points of view. Too maaaaannnnnnyyyyy things happening, but then nothing really happens hahaha_

Kyle tried to talk to other girls besides Bebe throughout the day. He had his regular 5th hour class with Red and Nichole, Token's ex-girlfriend. He had asked them about the stinky list. They giggled, but wouldn't give him a direct answer.

He didn't want to ask Wendy, but at this rate, he might have to. There was still a possibility he was imagining things.

After the final bell rang, he packed his things into his backpack. He used both hands to carry the baby carriage so the handle would be chest level. The baby hadn't cried as much today. That was a plus. Kyle would also need to talk to Mr. Garrison about this assignment at some point.

He walked out the double doors and found the white van. Tweek's dad used it when he went to a coffee packaging plant in Denver. It gave him an excuse to get away for the day and stock the coffee shop. He was as restless as Tweek, and didn't want to wait the three+ days it took for the coffee to be shipped and delivered.

Tweek's dad was standing by the van with Token, Clyde, and Tweek. "Hi, Mr. Tweak," Kyle greeted.

"Why, hello, Kyle. Are you excited to go to Casa Bonita?"

"Nah, Casa Bonita's lame. I want a break from these dolls though. Are you coming with us?" Kyle didn't see Tweek's mom anywhere. He didn't see how Mr. Tweak would be getting home.

"Token offered me a ride home in his Porsche. I've never ridden in one before."

"Speaking of, are you ready to go, Mr. Tweak? We want to beat everyone else to Casa Bonita." Clyde was jumping up and down in the passenger seat. Everything was a game to him.

"Dude, get in the back with Chink." Token said as he climbed into the driver's seat. Clyde pouted but obliged. Mr. Tweak took his spot.

"I'll see you boys later!" he called before Token sped off.

"Shotgun!" Kyle jumped into the pedo-van's passenger seat. He didn't want to be in the backseat with everyone when Stan would be driving.

Within the next few minutes, the other boys, Bebe, and Wendy came out of the school. The only person missing was Kenny. After everyone was situated in the back of the makeshift coffee truck, and after many minutes of Cartman complaining, Kenny finally showed up. He didn't walk out of the school though. He was walking from the entrance to the school grounds. He was carrying a big back pack and his and Craig's doll strapped to his chest. Butters slid the door open for him, and Kenny jumped into the van.

"'Bout time, Kiiinny!" Cartman sat opposite Kenny and beside Wendy. He had his legs pulled to his man-boobs. Kenny grinned and didn't say anything. Kyle glanced at Stan. Stan shrugged and off they drove.

~%~%~%

"And where would you like to go, Miss Daisy?" Token said in the most Southern voice he could muster.

"This isn't funny, Token! Let me up front!" Token's Porsche was a two-door. Mr. Tweak was so excited to have ridden in a Porsche, he ran into the coffee shop to tell his wife. He slammed the door before Clyde could get out. Clyde couldn't reach the handle to get out of the car.

"Now, Miss Daisy, I would nevah, nevah joke witcha like that."

"Token, this is more racist for you than it is for me..." Clyde threw his back against the seat and crossed his arms across his chest.

~%~%~%

Token and Clyde beat the van to the restaurant/play place. Clyde was leaning against the hood of the tiny car. He didn't look happy. Token was holding the doll and waggling his fingers in front of his face as if he could actually see the things dangling in front of him.

Before the van even stopped, the side door flew open. Wendy was the first one to stop, drop, and roll. The rest poured out after her. Cartman stood in the door laughing and pointing at everyone.

"Your face, Kiiiinny!" Stan parked the van next to To`ken's car. He, Kyle, and Cartman stepped out of the van. Kyle and Stan's shirts were covering their noses.

"Dude, did you shit in there?" Token asked. He could practically see the fumes coming out of the car.

"Mmm, nope." Cartman grinned.

"Fatass was so excited about Casa Bonita, he sharted." Kenny murmured to Token.

Normally Cartman would have shoved Kenny, but he was already through Casa Bonita's doors. Everyone else followed suit. They were greeted by a man in a sombrero.

"Bienvenidos, chicos! Congratulations, you are our 1000th customers! As a prize, you can use our new karaoke room until we close. You only need to buy one meal per person." The man beamed at the teenagers. Everyone looked at each other, skeptically.

"C'c'mon, fellas. We were going to eat eventually anyway, right? Boy howdy, I love karaoke!" Butters jumped up and down with excitement. Kenny stepped forward.

"Alright."

"This way, this way." The man led the boys and girls to the karaoke room. The room was directly behind the waterfall. The teenagers ooh-ed and ah-ed. The babies were less than thrilled; they all began crying.

The room had two long, cushioned benches with a low table in between. There were four microphones, a screen, and a small stage. The sombrero-ed man turned on the machine and the screen lit up.

"We have many, many different songs. Use this remote to scroll and choose." The man handed the remote to Stan. "The menus are on the table. What would you all like to drink?"

Nobody had to look at the menus. They had all come here as kids, and each had a personal favorite dish. They all ordered within five minutes. Token and Kyle were bouncing their dolls, trying to calm them down. Clyde had the remote in his hand and was scrolling through the song list.

"Dude, they have that on here?" Clyde stopped on an Eminem song. "I have to sing this! Token, will you be the girl singer? Please, please? Since I couldn't sit in the front seat earlier?"

"Is he still butt hurt? Dude, shotgun isn't that amazing," Craig rolled his eyes before using them to locate Tweek. He was sitting on the other bench speaking to Butters and Kenny. Kenny still had the stupid doll. As long as Kenny was over there and not giving Craig STDs, he didn't care. Of course, he would have to kill Kenny if he gave Tweek an STD.

The waiter brought everyone's drinks before Token and Clyde could rap to Eminem. After he left, Kenny clinked his glass with his knife. "Ladies and gentlemen, I give you booze"

Kenny emptied the contents of his bag. He had brought coconut rum, vodka, tequila, and absinthe. He grinned smugly.

"Dude, what the hell! We can't have this here." Kyle ran to the door to make sure no one was coming. "We're underage!"

"That's why we're mixing and hiding." Kenny poured some of the coconut rum into Butters' Coke. He stirred it with the straw and scooted it closer to Butters.

"Aw gee, Ken. I don't know... My parents would be awfully sore."

"Aren't you a parent for the time being? Make your own decision, but I don't see your parents here; and what happens in Casa Bonita stays in Casa Bonita." Kenny winked at Butters.

"Aw, w-well alright then. Don't look, Aran." Butters took a sip. "H-hey! It tastes all coconut-y!" He took a bigger swig and grinned at Kenny.

"Kenny, will you pass me the absinthe?"

Kenny whipped his head to the person who spoke. "Wow, Wendy. Didn't know you had it in you." He tossed her the little green bottle. Pretty soon, everyone was passing around the alcohol bottles. Even Kyle got the stick out of his ass long enough to pour a little vodka into his Double Dew. Kenny hid the bottles under the table.

"Okay, Clyde! Let's sing!" Clyde selected "Almost Famous" from the song list. Token began rapping before Clyde could take a breath. He had consumed more alcohol than his friend, and was already beginning to slur his words. Besides, Token was black. Rapping was second nature to him. Clyde messed up on the girl's chorus every time.

"Yoooou have been trading faces; I have been changing places. No, that's not right. You cannot fill these shoeeess." Clyde tried. Token did. He didn't miss a single beat in the complex rhyming. When the song ended, everyone clapped for politeness' sake. Cartman grabbed the remote before anyone else could.

Cartman wanted to show off, and he knew exactly how. "Weeeeeendy, will you siiiiiing a sooooong with me?"

Wendy hiccuped and belched. She covered her mouth and giggled. "Excuse me. I guess I can, Eric. Dude, why does the green fairy look like you?" Wendy's eyes were focused above Cartman's shoulder. She had seen the green fairy once before, but it was just a green light that randomly appeared. This time, the fairy had a form and details. It looked a lot like Cartman in a toga and holding a bow and arrows.

"You're crazy, bitch," Cartman said in the same higher pitch, fake nice tone. Wendy took Adolfa to the opposite end of the room where most of the other dolls were crawling around. Cartman pulled Wendy to the stage after picking a song. The beat to Gasolina filled the room. Cartman knew the importance of being bilingual since he was a kid. The Hispanic population was growing, and he needed to communicate if he wanted the jobs he had in mind done right. He also liked the idea of a song about gas. Wendy bobbed her head to the beat as she sang the girl's part of the song "Dame mas gasoliiiiina!"

"Dude, this is so fucking weird." Kyle whispered to Stan. He didn't know how Wendy could be so nice to Cartman. They had hated each other throughout most of their lives. Or at least it had seemed that way.

"Chill, man. Have a sip of this." Stan handed Kyle his rum and coke. He put his head on Kyle's shoulder as Kyle sipped the drink. "Part of growing up is accepting others and their personalities. No matter if they are destructive wannabe neo-Nazis and Cartman."

"I know I should be the better man, but dammit, he's a pain in the ass."

"You're the **best** man, and I'd rather be the pain in your ass." Stan nuzzled Kyle's neck and kissed where he could feel Kyle's pulse thumping in his neck.

"Stan... stop messing around." Kyle had moaned his name, but regained control of his voice. His eyes were closed. He softly bonked his head against Stan's. Stan lightly bit where he had kissed.

"I'm not messing around, dude. Fuck, you smell so good." Stan curled his feet under his butt and lay his head on Kyle's thigh. "I don't want to move." Stan closed his eyes. He had the shadow of a smile on his face.

Bebe looked at Stan and Kyle. She grinned. It looked like the plan was working. She nestled back into her seat. Wendy and Cartman were both pretty drunk and extremely funny. Cartman didn't know all of the words to the Spanish rap song, and Wendy kept singing in the wrong parts. Bebe glanced down at her new red shoes her mom had bought her. They were instant favorites with the little red bowties and the closed toe. They were high heels, but not high enough that she was in constant danger of twisting her ankle.

A sliver of metal bumped against her red shoe. She scowled and looked up. Jimmy was fumbling to sit next to her. He almost dumped the doll out of her lap. Her expression softened as he sat down.

"Cu-cu-can I hold Nutina? I puh-puh-promise I won't drop her."

"Sure, Jimmy. You're the dad after all!" Bebe giggled and brushed her hair out of her eyes as Jimmy took the doll from her lap. His hand brushed her bare leg. Bebe shivered and sipped her tequila mix.

"I-uh-I'm really glad we're puh-puh-pai-partners in this. I wuh-wuh-wouldn't know how to handle some of these assholes." Jimmy looked at Cartman as he flopped off the stage and back to his seat.

So you know how to handle mine, Jimmy?" Bebe's cheeks flushed slightly, but she raised an eyebrow and the side of her mouth in a half smile. Jimmy started stuttering even more. He put Nutina back in Bebe's lap and went to the little stage.

Instead of picking a song, Jimmy began stammering through a joke. Everyone was talking amongst themselves. Kyle stopped even pretending to pay attention when the food came. Jimmy was still doing his routine as people started eating. They were at least paying more attention to him. They couldn't talk with their mouths full.

"... and then she said, "Wuh-wuh-what hor-hor-horse?" Jimmy waited for some kind of reaction. Bebe was the only one who clapped. "Luh-looks like I'm a ruh-rebel without uh-uh-applause. Wuh-what a wonderful audience."

Wendy joined in Bebe's applause. Kyle, Stan, Butters, and Tweek followed suit. Jimmy started to leave the stage when Bebe stood up. She handed Wendy her doll, and went to the stage.

"Wait, Jimmy. Sing a Disney song with me." Bebe selected "A Whole New World" for her and Jimmy.

"Do you think Jimmy is going to tap that?" Kenny had his head in Butters' lap. Butters didn't even put up a fight. Kenny liked tipsy Butters. He let Kenny get away with things.

"I-I don't think Jimmy can tap dance, Ken." Butters hiccuped. He rested his hand between Kenny's shoulder and his thigh.

"You're so funny when you're drunk." Kenny nuzzled closer to Butters' crotch.

"Hu-hey now, Ken! Hiccup. Giggle."

"I can feel it, Butters."

"Stuh-stop it." Butters pushed Kenny's face out of his lap. Kenny had touched his weiner! That's not okay in front of everybody! Everyone was absorbed in other people, but still... Butters thought someone might see and feel uncomfortable.

A beeping went off. Everyone stopped talking; Bebe and Jimmy stopped singing. One of their bracelets were designating! Tweek pulled his hair. The beeping came from Cartman. Everyone held their breaths. The letters "STD: CHLAMYDIA." Everyone exhaled and laughed except Cartman. Kenny had fallen off the bench from laughing so hard.

Cartman ran to Kenny and started punching him. "This. Is. Your. Fault! I told you, Kenny!" Kenny reared up and punched Cartman once in the chest. Cartman stopped hitting him and fell down, crying. Wendy ran over to Cartman. She put her arm around his shoulder and started patting him.

"There, there, Eric..."

"Get away, bitch! You'll get an STD too!" Cartman put his face to Wendy's chest and sobbed.

"Eric, you realize that this isn't a real STD. It's just a stupid project." Wendy looked at Cartman through half-lidded eyes and smiled. She wrapped her arms around him and rubbed his back.

"But... you won't get an Aaaaa. And you'll blaaaaaame it on meeeeeeeeeheeeheeeee."

"I won't blame it on you, Eric. I promise. I'm not mad. I'll prove it to you later." Cartman rubbed his face on Wendy's shirt between her boobs.

"Okay!" Cartman stood up and hit Kenny one more time before sitting next to him on the bench.

"U-uh, I-I'd like to sing- teehee- a song now." Butters scrambled up to the stage after Cartman's episode. The music started playing, and Butters started singing.

"Oh Kenny, you're so fine. You're so fine, you blow my mind. Hey, Kenny!" At this point in the song, Butters waved at Kenny. Kenny gleefully smiled and waved back at Butters. He kept tugging his pants away from his crotch.  
"Hey Kenny, you've been around all night and that's a little long. You think you've got the right, but I think you've got it wrong. Why can't we say goodnight so you can take me home, Kenny?" Butters started tap dancing during the song. He wobbled slightly. One of his shoes flew off and hit Clyde and Token's baby in the head. The baby was nonplussed by the impact. Clyde threw his empty glass at Butters. Clyde was too drunk for his aim to be accurate. The glass barely flew two feet. It shattered on the table.

"Watch it, lame-o!" Clyde yelled up to Butters.

Kenny went to the stage, scooped Butters up, and kissed him in front of everyone. "Don't hurt my things, dick." Kenny snarled at Clyde.

Token put his arm around Clyde slowly. He sipped his drink and continued to look at the printed out song list. He didn't even look up at Kenny and Butters. His calmness settled Clyde down. "Whatever, dude."

Kenny shooed Butters off the stage before he picked another song. The intro to Chicago's "If You Leave Me Now" began playing. Tears welled into Butters' eyes as he listened to Kenny singing one of his favorite songs.

"This is the faggiest thing I've ever seen." Craig whispered to Tweek. "Can I talk to you... like alone for a second?"

"I-ah!- guess so..." Tweek pulled his hair. He followed Craig out from behind the waterfall. The waiter went in to get everyone's dishes as they exited.

"Look. I'm sorry if I freaked you out yesterday. I didn't mean to startle you or whatever. Can you just come back to being my partner? I think Kenny and Butters want to be together with those stupid dolls. And I would rather you be my partner than McCormick." Craig leaned against the wall as he was speaking. He fixed his gaze on Tweek the entire time. He didn't break eye contact.

"I wasn't- gah!- freaked out. You saw me do-doing something embarrassing. It was too much pressure to be with you." Tweek crouched down with his face between his hands. Thinking about it was too much. If he thought about it, then the others would know! What if he could transfer the images he saw to other people's minds? Jesus Christ, man!

"If by embarrassing, you mean fucking hot, then don't worry about it." Craig leaned down in front of Tweek and pet his head. Tweek twitched away slightly, but then rested his head against Craig's hand.

"Y-you're so weird."

"Yes. I am the one addicted to caffeine and paranoid about every little thing, and I'm the weird one." Craig ruffled Tweek's hair before pulling him against his chest. Tweek twitched, but eventually his muscle spasms calmed down. Someone cleared his throat. Craig looked up to see the waiter.

"Necesitan mas tomar?"

"Uh..." Craig didn't speak Spanish.

"N-no, Jesus Cristo! Gracias, hombre." Tweek answered from Craig's chest. The waiter walked away. Tweek pushed away from Craig and began to walk back to the karaoke room. Craig grabbed Tweek's wrist and pulled Tweek back to him. Craig sniffed Tweek's neck.

"God... you turn me on."

"Thuh-that's too much pressu-" Craig smashed his lips against Tweek's, and quickly pulled away. This time he walked toward the waterfall and left Tweek behind, speechless. Tweek's bracelet beeped and snapped him out of his stupor. Looks like he and Craig and... Breakfast?... were together again.

After a few more hours of karaoke and waterfall diving and pinatas and many more bottles of alcohol, Casa Bonita was closing. The teenagers were all too drunk to drive. Even Kyle, who never drank very much, and Tweek, who only really needed coffee, were drunk off their asses.

"Hu-how are we gonna get home, fellas? I can't go home like this!" Butters rubbed his knuckled together. He was sobering up, slowly but surely.

"We could all go to my house. We have plenty of spare rooms, and my parents are both working on their own projects." Even drunk Token was smooth and cool. Clyde looked up at him with puppy dog eyes. But dogs are allergic to chocolate, right? An unobtainable delicacy.

"We have to get there first." Kyle, always the pessimist and realist, burst quite a couple bubbles.

"Why, howdy fellas!" Everyone looked over to the pool. On the rail sat Towelie. A sober and clean looking Towelie.

"Towelie!" Stan and Cartman ran to their sometimes-friend. Kyle walked up more cautiously. "What are you doing here?" Kyle asked.

"Well, I started working here a few weeks ago. I gotta provide for my little washcloth!"

"Yeah, yeah. That's great. Can you drive us to Token's house?" Cartman interrupted the blue-and-white towel.

"I've been sober for 3 months!"

"Tell us your life story in the van..."

Token had to leave his Porsche in the parking lot for the night, but everyone and their dolls still fit in the Tweaks' humungous van. Butters was the designated pedal pusher as Towelie operated the wheel. They all made it to Token's house in one piece.

"Thanks, Towelie. You can walk to your place, right?" Stan asked as they got out of the van. Everyone had called their parents to inform them of a slumber party. They had sobered up enough to not giggle at everything and to not slur. Their parents were all okay with a study-slumber session. Of course, they didn't know that it would be a boy-girl slumber party.

"Well, it's a kinda long walk..."

"You better start going then if you want to make it before daylight!" Cartman called as he went into the Black mansion.

"You're welcome to spend the night too, Towelie. You can stay in the kitchen or one of the bathrooms." Token offered.

And with that, the couples wandered off to separate rooms to sleep... or whatever their drunken minds wanted.


	9. Chapter 9

_Hey, guys! I'm back. 3 I have an extra long, extra dirty update for you guys. Thanks again to people who have reviewed, favorited, and subscribed to alerts. Oh, if you guys want to read my short story about part of my time in Costa Rica (complete with pictures and captions), feel free to PM me for the link. 3 You guys are the best. _

"Stan, I don't feel so good..." Kyle plopped down on the bed. His hiccups made him nauseous; the action, the smell, the taste. He put Winston on the bed next to him and held his head between his knees. Stan sat down beside him and stroked his back.

"You don't know your limits. That's why you should drink more!"

Kyle jerked his head toward Stan and glared at him. The sudden movement made him vomit. As he retched onto the floor, Stan continued to rub his back. "Ugggh. Never again..."

Stan chuckled at his super best friend and baby's mama. He stopped and sniffed the air. "Dude, do you smell that..?" Stan stopped patting Kyle's back and looked at the pool of vomit.

Mixed with in all the chips and salsa and chicken and alcohol were green things. They didn't look like guacamole. They looked like leaves. Kyle had stopped vomiting; Stan decided it was safe to go in for a closer look. The green things looked like leaves with some kind of fungus growing on them. Not that Stan was an expert in biology or fungal studies. He sniffed Kyle's vomit. The smell was coming from the green leaves. He scooped some up with his hand.

"Stan, what the fuck-bleeeeeehk- are you- bleeeeeeeeehk- doing?" Kyle started retching again as Stan tastes one of the leaves in his vomit.

Stan's pupils dilated. He dropped the pile of vomit back onto the floor. He grabbed some of the tissue paper from the box on the night stand to wipe the vomit from his hand. Stan crawled back to the bed, beside Kyle. "When was the last time you ate leaves?" Stan pointed to the green things in the vomit.

"Dude, I'm not a fucking rabbit. You're fucking disgusting." Kyle wiped a trail of vomit from his mouth.

"If I had my way, I'd be fucking Kyle." Stan put one of his arms in front of Kyle and leaned into him. He forced Kyle onto his back. Kyle kicked Winston as he fell. Winston began crying.

"Dude, stop. You're upsetting the baby."

"Whatever." Stan kept one hand one Kyle's chest as he used the other one to move the doll further away on the bed. When the baby was clear across the bed, Stan straddled Kyle.

"Stan! What the hell is wrong with you?" Kyle feebly pushed against Stan's chest. Football had been kind to Stan... it didn't help Kyle any in this instance.

"Nothing's wrong with me." Stan lowered his head and began nibbling at Kyle's neck. Kyle's breathing hitched. They were both obviously aroused, but this was wrong!

"Dude! I have to tell you something." Kyle placed his hand on Stan's forehead. "I didn't want to say anything before because I was embarrassed..."

"It's okay. I already knew." Stan tried to snuggle against Kyle's warm flesh. Kyle put more force onto Stan's forehead to keep him at bay.

"What? Who told you? Bebe? Wendy?"

"Nobody had to tell me. I already knew." This time Kyle pushed against Stan's chest with his elbow and sat up.

"You knew I was one of the stinkiest people in class and you never told me?" Stan sat back on his haunches with a confused look on his face.

"Dude, what? I was talking about you being gay. What are you talking about?"

"What do you mean I'm gay?"

"If you haven't noticed yet, you have a raging boner. I'm pretty sure I gave that to you." Stan grinned slyly at Kyle.

"Whatever. That's not what I was talking about. Bebe told me, Butters, Clyde, and Tweek that the girls made another list. They chose us as the stinkiest boys in our grade. Bebe said she felt bad for us, so she gave us this weird deodorant. You've been acting weird ever since she gave it to me yesterday. Like... you know, this." Kyle motioned his hand between him and Stan.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Stan hovered over Kyle again and kissed him on the mouth. Stan licked Kyle's lips. His tongue wanted entrance, but the doors were locked tight. There is more than one way to break into a holy place. Stan moved his hand to the front of Kyle's jeans and grabbed his dick. Kyle gasped and Stan's tongue darted inside. It kinda tasted like vomit, but it was the sweetest, tastiest vomit ever. Just because it came from Kyle. Kyle pressed his lips against Stan's finally. He bucked his hips.

Something was still wrong. There were a million things that fluttered on the brink of consciousness, and Kyle couldn't focus long enough on a single one. He had questions, he knew he did. But right now... this was enough to quell the nagging.

Stan slid his hands under Kyle's shirt and rubbed his thumb over his nipples. Kyle gasped into their kiss. Kyle arched his back more. He moved his hands under Stan's shirt. He moved slowly up and down Stan's ribs and stomach. Stan stifled laughter.

"That tickles." Stan nuzzled Kyle's neck again. Stan sneaked his hand under Kyle's boxers. He grabbed the tip of his penis and squeezed. He began thrusting his hand and encircling the head of Kyle's penis.

"Aaah! S-stop nngh..." Kyle reached into his pants and wrapped his hand around Stan's wrist. Kyle's hips jerked upward involuntarily. "C-can I just hold you and kiss you? I'm- nn- not ready for this."

Stan stared blankly into Kyle's eyes. A flash of understanding crossed his face, and he lay down beside Kyle. Stan kept his hand in Kyle's pants, but loosened his grip on Kyle's cock. Stan's other hand snaked under Kyle's head. Kyle snuggled closer to Stan and kissed him on the nose. Kyle reared back after he kissed Stan.

"Now, what do you you've always known I'm gay?" A lilt of laughter was in his voice, but he tried to keep serious.

"I don't know, dude. You just never seemed as interested in girls. You have always been more feminine, more caring than the other guys. Maybe I just always hoped you were gay. I've wanted to touch you like this for a long time." Stan squeezed Kyle's dick again for emphasis. He pulled his hand out of Kyle's pants and placed it across Kyle's chest. He pulled the redhead closer and kissed him again.

~%~%~%~

"Gee, that sure was fun, Ken!" Butters giggled and hiccuped in the bed. Kenny was moseying around the stereo in the room. "What are you looking for?"

"I'm trying to find something by Marvin Gaye."

"How do you know Token has any of his songs?"

"C'mon, Butters. He's black."

"Kenny, that doesn't..." The intro to "Let's Get It On" filled the room. Kenny walked back to the bed. He laughed at the little blonde.

"What were you saying?" Kenny wrapped his arms around Butters as he sat down beside him. Kenny placed his blonde hair against the nape of Butters' neck. Kenny closed his eyes and kept the smile on his face. Butters looked down on him with half-lidded eyes. Butters touched Kenny's hand.

"L-lemme ask ya something, Ken. Why're ya acting this way? So n-nice and cute." Butters hiccuped some more and flopped backward on the bed. Kenny toppled backward as well.

"Butters. Ever since we were kids, you've treated me better than anyone else. Even my douchebag best friends. You may not remember, but when we were kids I was hospitalized. I was really sick; nobody thought I would survive. You drew me a cute picture of me and you riding in a plane. It really warmed my heart. It gave me strength. I wanted to fly like that with you one day. You're special to me, Butters. You never asked me to be on your side in something; you always liked me for me. You have always been a good friend. I want to give you the attention you deserve. The attention no one else gives you." Kenny had enveloped Butters into a hug and ran his fingers through Butters' unkempt hair.

Butters eyes had begun watering. He could vaguely remember a time where Kenny hadn't been in school. It had seemed like months, but that couldn't be possible. If he had missed that much school, Kenny would have flunked a grade. To his child-mind, time must have gone slower. Even a few days without his friend Ken would have seemed like an eternity. He didn't want to go days without seeing Kenny now.

"B-but I thought you liked boobs?"

"Fucking love big titties," Kenny said without missing a beat. "But if you gave me the chance, I know I can love you more." Kenny propped himself up with his elbow so he was looking down at Butters. The tears had begun flowing out of Butters' eyes.

"Y-you're the first person besides my family to say that. And they have to say it!"

"Your family loves big titties too? I guess I'll fit right in." Kenny stuck his tongue out at Butters.

"T-that's not what I..." Kenny swooped in and kissed Butters on the mouth.

"Say you'll be my boyfriend." Kenny said huskily against Butters' lips.

"I-I will..." Kenny smirked and kissed Butters again. Kenny rolled on top of Butters and deepened their kiss. Butters fumbled around a little, but eventually got the hang of kissing. Butters shot his hands up and entangled them into Kenny's messy hair. "Let's Get It On" continued playing in the background. Kenny had put the song on loop for just this purpose.

Aran began crying from the door. Kenny had put her carrier on the doorknob as soon as he and Butters walked into the room. Kenny went to the door to calm down the doll. When she calmed down, he turned back around to see Butters' ass sticking up in the air. Kenny looked closer. Butters had tucked his balls and penis between his legs, so they were peeking at Kenny from under his buttocks. Butters started giggling again.

"D-do you like the fruit bowl?" Kenny shook his head and came up behind Butters. He slapped Butters' ass, and forced him onto his elbows.

"You are super fruity, Butters."

"I-I'm half bi because my dad is bi!"

"...Let's not talk about him right now. He's killing my boner."

~%~%~%~

"When two people work closely for a long time, sometimes they feel what's called, "sexual tension." Sometimes you just have to act on impulse and get it over with..."

"Wuh-wuh-what was that, Bebe?" Jimmy called from the adjoining bathroom.

"Nothing!" Bebe sprawled across the bed. She was naked except for her flaming red lingerie and heels. Jimmy had been in the bathroom for a long time. She hoped he wasn't sick from drinking so much. That would put a huge damper on her plans. She would also feel bad if he were sick, period. A few weeks ago, she wouldn't have imagined crushing on Jimmy like this. He had always been around. Hell, they had all grown up together. She had had crushes on almost every single guy in their class. She shouldn't have been surprised when it was Jimmy's turn to be crushed on.

Bebe had always felt differently toward Jimmy than the other boys. She didn't know if it was because of his disability or because of his personality. He was able to take care of himself, but Bebe always compared him to a wounded animal. Bebe wanted to be someone he could depend on. Someone to be his crutch. When she had all of her other crushes, she imagined herself depending on the guy, not her helping the guy. Jimmy would be different.

Jimmy opened the door to the bathroom. "Yuh-you muh-might not wuh-wuh-want to... .wuh-woah!"

Jimmy stumbled back into the bathroom when he saw a basically naked Bebe on the bed he was going to share with her. Bebe chuckled and patted the mattress.

"Come here, Jimmy." Bebe purred. The little _ding ding_ sounded in Jimmy's pants. Jimmy waddled over to the bed. He discarded his crutches and plopped down. Bebe curled around his hips. "I gave you another erection." Bebe smirked and kissed Jimmy's dinger through his pants.

"I-i-it hu-hu-hu-happens qui-qui-quite frequent-frequent-aii-ly." Jimmy's head lolled backward at the sudden, very-much-wanted touch.

"How can I help this?" Bebe opened her mouth and engulfed Jimmy's head and part of his pants.

"Thu-that's a stuh-start..." Bebe grinned again. She crawled on her hands and knees around Jimmy. She straddled him and lifted his shirt off.

"Wow, Jimmy! I never knew how muscular you were." Bebe's fingertips lightly traced over Jimmy's abdomen. If Bebe became thirsty in the activities to follow, Jimmy had a six pack she could crack open. Her fingers left his abdomen and traveled to his triceps. Bebe placed her hands on his right tricep. Her fingertips couldn't reach each other.

"Well, sure. I need upper-body strength. I wuh-wouldn't be as handicapable without it."

"Jesus. You're so hot." Bebe lightly pushed on Jimmy's chest. He wrapped his arms around her waist and fell against the mattress with her. The motion caused Bebe's blonde hair to cascade over her shoulders. Jimmy brushed the strands. He tucked some strands behind her ear and cupped her face. He rubbed his thumb against her cheek.

"I-I haven-haven't duh-done this in a while..."

"To be honest... I haven't done this ever." Bebe leaned down and kissed Jimmy on the mouth. She kissed him softly, chastely. Jimmy's eyes bogged out. After the initial shock wore off, he kissed her back. He rubbed his hands up and down her naked sides.

Bebe moaned into their kiss. She reached her hands down to Jimmy's pants. She lifted her hips so she could unfasten his stupid, problematic pants. Jimmy placed his hand on her wrists. His face grew serious.

"Don't look, okay?" Bebe nodded her head. She went to turn off the lights.

Jimmy crawled under the blankets and finished taking off his pants and whitey-tighties. Bebe unhooked her bra as she sauntered back to the bed. She tossed it to the side as she stood above Jimmy. A little pool of light filtered into the room from the bathroom. Jimmy could see Bebe's huge, milky white breasts. Her curves. The way her hair framed her face. Jimmy's erection throbbed. It was almost painful.

Bebe resumed her spot on top of Jimmy. She positioned herself parallel to Jimmy's penis. She rubbed herself and thin panties against his cock. He felt bigger than she had imagined. Jimmy placed his hands on Bebe's hips and steadied her.

"Duh-don't move..." Jimmy gasped out. Jimmy strained his arms. He tried to control himself, but even the lightest touch had driven him to the brink of orgasm.

Bebe reached into the front of her red panties and pulled out a golden wrapper. She scooted down to Jimmy's thighs, but put most of her weight on her knees. She wasn't sure if Jimmy would feel the pressure or not, but she didn't want to chance it. She unwrapped the condom and slid it onto his dick. When she was finished, she leaned down and kissed his shaft. Bebe then wiggled out of her underwear.

"Buh-Bebe..." Jimmy moaned. He grabbed Bebe's hips again and flipped her over. Jimmy got on top of her. He kissed all around her breast before settling on her nipple. He nipped softly at the soft flesh. Bebe moaned and arched her back. She grabbed his hand and forced it onto her other breast. Then she took his other hand and shoved it to her already soaked pussy. She whimpered as he inserted one of his fingers inside her.

He wiggled his finger around in time to his sucking. Bebe writhed her hips under him. Jimmy groaned as her hips bucked into his. He put another finger inside Bebe and pumped faster. Bebe's back arched completely off the bed and she began shaking. She thrust Jimmy's hand away from her and panted.

"P-please..." she begged with half-lidded, lusty eyes.

Jimmy scooted up in the bed. Bebe put her hands around his cock and guided him to her entrance. He slid in slowly. He had never slept with a virgin, but he reckoned it would hurt if he just crashed in. Her inner walls were so tight... so much pressure against his cock. Bebe contracted her vaginal walls. She squeezed him tighter. He almost blew his load. He jammed all of his cock inside her. Bebe gasped.

"Mmm. Jesus... aah..." Bebe rocked her hips around slowly to get used to his size. It hurt a little, but she wanted more. God, he was so perfect. Sweat dripped from Jimmy's bangs onto Bebe's neck. It aroused her even more. She brought her hips down and away from Jimmy's before thrusting powerfully against his again. Jimmy lost control. He started pumping into her as quickly as he could. He latched onto one of her nipples again. He bit and sucked. She squealed and rocked along with him.

She was so close. So close to the edge. She moved her hand down to her clitoris and started rubbing it in rhythm to Jimmy's thrusts. Jimmy groaned loudly, and Bebe lost it. She started shivering violently as she climaxed. Jimmy wasn't far behind her. He toppled on top of her. Both were gasping for breath.

"That... was... amazing..." Bebe panted. Jimmy kissed the side of her face.

"I-it sure was." Jimmy's bracelet beeped. He and Bebe both looked at it as the word "HERPES" flashed on the LED screen.

"Fucking... fuck." They both said in unison before laughing themselves to sleep.

~%~%~%~

Clyde was freezing. He knew there was warmth somewhere. He could feel heat barely licking his skin. He scooted closer to the warmth until he was touching it. He sighed in relief. He was so happy for the warmth, he extended his lips out and kissed it. How can you kiss warmth? Clyde opened his eye a slit and saw Token glaring down at him. He had kissed Token on the nose. Clyde tucked his face downward. Token placed his hand under Clyde's chin and forced his head up.

Token's lips crashed against Clyde's. Token threw his leg across Clyde's buttocks and straddled his back. Token lay over Clyde's back and began humping. Clyde stuffed his face into the pillow to stifle his moan. Token thrusted for a few more seconds before falling over and snoring. Clyde peeked out from the pillow and propped his head on his hand. He stared incredulously at his friend before realizing it was still cold. He snuggled closer to Token and drifted back to sleep. Pretty soon Clyde's snores joined in Token and Chink's harmony.

~%~%~%~

"Tweek, we need to talk." Craig was on his side facing the door. Tweek was facing the other wall in the room. Their backs were to each other and there was a foot of space between them. Definitely not the coziest bed in the house.

"Ta-lking is too much pressure." Tweek's voice was filled with exhaustion.

"I'm gay." Craig said in his monotone. He didn't move. Tweek shot up in the bed and looked down at his friend. Craig had kissed him earlier today... and yesterday... but hearing it so straightforward like that startled Tweek. "I've known I was gay since we all went around pretending to be metrosexual. I've always been attracted to you. Not like I wanted to bang you senseless or anything. But I always wanted to be with you more than the others. Now, of course, it has grown into me wanting to fuck you senseless, but it didn't start out that way." Craig still faced the door.

"Th-that's really too much pressure. Jesus Christ! Are you still drunk, man?"

Craig shot up in bed and turned to Tweek. "No, I'm not drunk. I'm being serious here. Dick." He slid back down to his pillow. He faced the ceiling instead of the door. Tweek did the same. He reached his hand out and grabbed Craig's.

"Sorry." Tweek's hand shook, but he kept his grip around Craig's hand. Craig's lip turned slightly in an almost smile. This would be good enough for now. Tweek hadn't turned him away. He would continue to work on his little spastic blonde. For now, he had a headache to sleep off.

~%~%~%~

"Cuh-Cartman!" Wendy gasped as she pounded her hips against Cartman's.

"That's right, bitch! Scream it!" Cartman grabbed a handful of Wendy's hair and pulled her down to kiss him. He bit her lips and sucked on the blood that welled up.

Wendy bit him back. She raised up until Cartman was no longer inside her and slammed back down. Cartman cried as he orgasmed. Wendy wasn't done yet. She grabbed some of the Oreo's on the table. She untwisted them. She put one on each nipple and made an Oreo trail down to her pussy.

"Eat me,fat ass." Wendy said as she slapped Cartman's butt and lay on her back. Cartman ate the Oreo's one by one until he was between Wendy's legs.

He stuck his nose between her vaginal lips and breathed her scent in. His tongue darted in and out of her vagina. Wendy pulled Cartman's hair as he worked her up. Cartman licked Wendy's clitoris. He shoved three of his fingers inside her at once as he continued to eat her out. Wendy's hips bucked up and down in time to Cartman's movements. Cartman moved his thumb to Wendy's butthole and played around the outside before sticking his appendage into her pooper. Wendy let out a screech as she came.

"Sounds like you kids need a towel!" Towelie peeked out from the doorway. Wendy screamed again and threw a pillow at Towelie. Towelie slammed the door and ran away.

"Everyone else should be asleep now, besides that pervy towel. Let's make our deliveries." Wendy smirked at Cartman and wiped some chocolate and her juices from the side of his mouth. She put on Cartman's t-shirt. Cartman slipped his boxers back on and they grabbed the three silver baby carriers. The sneaked them into the other couple's rooms (besides Kenny and Butters) and left them on the nightstands.

Wendy's bracelet started beeping after they put the last carrier into Kyle and Stan's room. The bracelet read, "SYPHYLLUS." Kyle and Stan's bracelets started beeping after that. Cartman and Wendy looked at each other and hightailed it out of the room and back into theirs.


	10. Chapter 10

_Much thanks to all of my lovely reviewers! __**Sad1st1cm1stress**__( Your wish is my command ;) ) __**Monthadog **__(Urp! Sorry, not too much Creek in this chapter. It's mostly devoted to plot development and Bunny. . Next chapter maybe :D) __**Amyartkitten**__ (When I was in Costa Rica, I laughed at a lot of your reviews for the other chapters. This chapter has some Clyken and lots of Bunny! I hope you enjoy.) __**Fullmoon950**__ (I hope the link finally worked! Things definitely progress more in this chapter.) Anddd I would love to give my thanks to my IRL friends who have read the story. I read the first six chapters out loud to one of my buddies. I actually do a good Tweek impersonation... I read the masturbation chapter with a piratey-robot voice. _

_Enough babble. Everyone, enjoy!_

"Clyde. Clyde!" Clyde groaned. He wanted to snuggle back into the warmth, but it was yanked away from him. He glared at Token through the small slit between his eye lids. Clyde tried to scoot closer to Token, but Token moved back again.

"Dude, it's cold!" Clyde complained.

"I had a weird dream last night. I think I butt-raped you." Token's brow was furrowed and a serious look crossed his face.

"Yeah. That happened. Now stop taking away the heat!" Clyde shuffled his body to Token's again. Token put his hands on Clyde's shoulder to keep him away.

"I butt-raped you...? And you're still able to move?"

"You just dry humped me for a few seconds. No penetration or nothing." Clyde gave up on his quest for body heat. He delved back under the covers and wrapped himself up. Only his eyes and nose peeked out from under the blankets.

"And you're okay with that?"

"Penetration might have been nice."

"I meant me dry humping you! Not the lack of... wait, what?"

Clyde opened his sleepy eyes and looked at Token. "I said it would have been nice if you hadn't just humped me for a few seconds. But next time you should put a little romance in it first instead of going right down to the dirty. You only kissed me once. Hmph." Clyde rolled over, stealing the blankets that had covered Token as well.

"I kissed you too?" Token almost shouted in disbelief.

"Only because I kissed you first."

"You mouth-raped me in my sleep..."

"Wrong. I kissed your nose as a thank you for the warmth." Clyde rolled back over so he was facing Token. "I'm going to take that back now since you are being stingy." Clyde lifted his body so he was halfway sitting. He put his lips on Token's nose and bit it lightly.

Token pushed Clyde back onto the bed and straddled him. "Oh, I'll give you warmth..." Token leaned down and... Chink began crying from the designer crib Token's mom had bought for him. Token sighed and began to get off Clyde.

Clyde wrapped his legs around Token's waist and flipped them both over. Clyde kissed Token on the mouth and licked his lips. "You should do that first next time. Stingy." Clyde crawled out of bed and went to Chink.

"Hey. What's this?" Token picked up the duct tape baby carrier. He looked at Clyde and they both said, "Cartman..."

~%~%~%~

"Buh-Bebe! I thought you were a virgin!"

"In the loosest sense of the term." Fuzzy handcuffs imprisoned Jimmy. Bebe had pulled various sex toys from her backpack. Jimmy wondered how she had made it through school yesterday without some of them vibrating. "I never had p in the v until yesterday, but..." Bebe laughed maniacally.

~%~%~%~

"Cartman, what the hell is up with this?" Kyle held up the baby harness.

"It's an InaDUCTable Baby Carrier! Duh." Cartman sat at Token's dining room table eating the food Token's maid continued to bring out.

"Yeah. It's the same as Kenny's. I meant why was it in our room?"

"It was a present, Jew. From the goodness of my heart."

"I've heard that before, and I still don't buy it. What do you get out of giving us this?" Kyle slammed the baby carrier on the table in front of Cartman. Craig, Token, and Clyde came into the dining room. Craig and Clyde were each carrying an InaDUCTable Baby Carrier.

"Simpull, Kahl. We are merely the first home ec group to get these dolls. There are three other segments of the class. When the other kids see all of us with these InaDUCTables, they'll see how awesome they are. They'll want them for their own dolls. Plus, think of all the real mothers who would buy this shit. Advertisement equals profit."

"That's the smartest thing you've ever said." Craig stood behind Kyle and glared at Cartman. "For some reason, Tweek and I both woke up with hepatitis. I wonder how that could have happened... fat ass." The bracelet's screen glowed red.

Kyle looked at his own bracelet. It was also red. No words were on it. He pushed a small button on the side. The words "BACTERIAL VAGINOSIS" flashed across the screen.

"The fuck, fat ass! You gave me a woman's STD!"

"Hey, cool. I got crabs. I always wanted a pet crab." Clyde fist-pumped. Craig rolled his eyes at his friend. The rest of the gang came down to the dining room.

"Stan! Guys! Check your bracelets for STDs. Cartman went on a sharing spree last night."

Everyone had some kind of STD. Everyone, except Butters. "Aw cool, fellas! I didn't get one. B-but how does that work?" Butters looked up at Kenny with big, puppy dog eyes. Kenny smiled and shrugged. He ruffled Butters' hair as he sat down at the table. Cartman was still pigging out on all of the food.

"Act-act-actually, Bebe guh-gave me an STD yesterday." Jimmy strutted to the table as well to fight his way to bacon and eggs.

"And Cartman gave me one before we gave out the carriers. Stop for a second, Eric!" Wendy went to the pile of food Cartman was eating. He took a break long enough for her to sprinkle some water over his food. To purify it after Cartman touched it probably. Cartman went back to engorging.

"The STD sucks, but the baby carrier will be helpful. Thanks for that, at least. And why are you eating ALL of my food?" Token and Chink went to the table.

"Can I talk to you for a second?" Craig whispered in Kyle's ear. It shocked Kyle. He raised his eyebrow and nodded. Craig pulled him by the wrist into the kitchen. "Look, I thought I should tell someone in your group. I couldn't tell Stan because he's too much like me. I can't tell Kenny because he's too love-sick at the moment. You guys need to keep an eye out on Cartman. He's been acting weird."

"When is he not acting weird?"

"Don't be a smart ass. I followed him after school on Thursday. He was acting suspicious in class. He threw **something** in the dumpster behind the school. He was real particular to make sure he wasn't being followed. I'm a better stalker than he gave me credit for. Anyway, I went back to the dumpster after he left. I couldn't find the bag."

"I'll watch him more closely. I guess you should know too... Bebe has been acting fishy lately too. She gave me, Clyde, Tweek, and Butters this weird deodorant stuff. It was supposed to- uh- make us smell better. I don't know what all has happened between you and Tweek, but I know Kenny and Stan have been acting weird since she gave us the stuff. She won't tell us anything about it. Maybe they're working together on something?"

"Cartman... and Bebe? Pfft." Craig walked back into the dining hall. Kyle followed; his brain was going crazy trying to figure out what was going on. Bebe and Cartman were both acting weird. Was it a coincidence or were they working together?

"What was that about?" Stan was helping himself to an orange.

"I'll tell you later." Stan raised his eyebrow, but didn't question Kyle further.

Kenny and Butters each grabbed some fruit and toast. "Thanks for breakfast. We're leaving now." Kenny waved as he and Butters walked out the door.

"Don't mention it..." Token said and glared at his maid. She just shrugged and went back to the kitchen for more food.

"I reckon I need to be headin' home now. Muh-my parents will be sore if I'm not home soon!"

"Come to my place. I have something to show you."

"B-but I told my parents I'd be home before noon."

"...I went to your house yesterday." Kenny continued to walk until he noticed Butters wasn't beside him anymore. He glanced back over his shoulder. Butters was kneading his knuckles against each other.

"Wuh-whatchya do that for?"

"I wanted to get your parents' blessings. C'mon. I want to show you something important."

"When d-did you go? We were at Casa Bonita and school all day!" Butters caught up to Kenny. He was afraid of what his parents might have said or done. He was also worried about being grounded when he got home. If he was going to be grounded anyway, he would go with Kenny first. Butters sneaked his hand into Kenny's.

"You were at school all day. I ran some errands. I had to make this thing..." Kenny pulled at the baby carrier strapped to his chest. He jostled Aran, and she began to cry. "And I decided it would be best for us if we had your parents' approval." Kenny squeezed Butters' hand and smiled at him.

"Aww, gee whiz. What did they say?"

"Your mom was actually excited. She even apologized for throwing me out. Your dad wasn't home, so we'll have to wait and see what he says. Even if he doesn't approve, I don't think I can let you go." A dark cloud formed over Kenny's face. Butters babbled the rest of the walk to Kenny's house. Kenny would respond when needed, but stayed mostly quiet. Aran had quietened when Kenny gave her a pacifier.

Kenny's house was unusually quiet. Kenny put his finger to his lips. He didn't want to wake up his parents or siblings. Butters didn't come to his house very often. He didn't want the kid to be scared away. He led Butters to his room and closed the door. Butters found a mount on Kenny's wall. There was a pair of boobs on the plaque. Butters poked one

"Eww. It's all gooey." He took the mount off the wall and put the wood against his chest. "Look, Ken! I-I'm Marjorine."

Kenny chuckled. He went to his drawer and retrieved an envelope.

"I turned 19 on March 22nd. I've decided what I want to do." Kenny handed Butters the opened envelope. Butters pulled the letter out and began reading. It was an acceptance letter to the Air Force.

"Aww gee, Kenny. You're going into the military?" Butters sat down on Kenny's unmade bed.

"Yeah. I want to be a pilot and take you flying all over. I start basic training after we graduate. I'll be gone for 8 weeks. And I'll be training in San Antonio."

"Hamburgers! You're going to Meheeco?"

"Close. It's in Texas."

"B-but 8 weeks is a long time. And Texas is full of even more rednecks than Colorado!" Tears began to roll down Butters face.

Kenny used his thumb to wipe away the teardrops. "Eight weeks is nothing. You'll be preparing for college. You'll barely know I'm gone. It'll be just like all those other times." The dark cloud momentarily came back to Kenny's face. He shook his head and cradled Butters to his chest and Aran's face.

"Wuh-well, Ken... if it's what you want... I'll be waiting..." Butters rubbed his head against Kenny's chest and kissed Aran's head. Kenny squeezed Butters closer to him.

"Good. Let's go deal with your dad now." Kenny helped Butters to stand up. Kenny then rubbed his face between the two boobs Butters still had pinned to his chest.

"Wh-whoops! Forgot about those." Butters let out an awkward chuckle as he set the boobs on the bed.

The boys climbed out of Kenny's window and headed down the street toward Butters house.

When the boys walked in, Chris and Linda were sitting on the couch. "Butters, it is two minutes til noon. You know better than to cut time that closely!"

"Sorry, Mr. Stotch. He was with me." Kenny walked up to the Stotches while holding Butters' hand.

"What is the meaning of this, boys? Are you making fun of me?" Chris had not been cured of his bisexual ways. He would never be cured, but that was okay with Linda. Somewhat. The boys didn't have to poke fun at him for it!

"No, sir. I want to get your approval to date your son."

"D-date? Butters? I think not! He's not allowed to date until he's married!" Chris looked back and forth to Butters, Kenny, and Linda. Linda was holding her hands together in front of her face and beaming at the boys.

"That can be arranged too, Mr. Stotch. I'm serious about Butters. Life can be destroyed too easily. I want to be able to make your son happy in the time we have left. Who knows? We might not be here tomorrow. Let me give him all the todays I can."

"Chris, he's serious about Butters. Let them have their fun." Linda squeezed Chris' hand.

"But, that's gay!"

"And we have to be accepting of all different kinds of people. Isn't that what we taught our boy?"

"We also sent him to a camp to beat the gayness out of him when he was younger..."

"We've learned from our mistakes, Chris. Besides, if he's out with his little boyfriend, we'll have more alone time together." Linda rested her head on Chris' shoulder and batted her eyelashes against his neck.

"Alright, you have my approval!"


	11. Chapter 11

_**AMYARTKITTEN: Happy birthday! This one's for you! Sorry it took until your birthday to upload. The next one won't take as long, I promise 3**_

_Guys, this chapter is extremely short and extremely dirty... It's completely Creek. Next chapter (which I will be working on tonight) will have mostly plot development, I swear. As always, a special thanks to my reviewers! __**Dark Neko 4000**__ (Well, some sexy time is happening next... but next chapter things will be getting really interesting!), __**Yaoi'sWhore**__ (I'm glad you like the JimBe pairing. I wasn't sure how people would like it 3. I will have a special section next chapter dedicated to Clyde and Token, though I'm not sure if there will be any rough and dirty sex next time), __**SarySoda**__ (I'm sorry for scarring you... maybe you should just skim this chapter so you aren't scarred any further 3 Can't go around scaring away my precious reviewers!), __**fullmoon950**__(Wanna know a secret? I live in Arkansas. Haha I've been to Texas so many times, I can't even begin to count. Nah, there aren't too many rednecks there, but I bet there aren't really that many rednecks in Colorado either), __** amyartkitten **__(You get two shout outs this time ;). I'm really glad that you put your lulz moments in the comments. They make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.), __**CosmicNerd**__ (Always a pleasure 3. I can't wait to develop Bunny more!), __**Monthadog **__(3 I hope this chapter makes you happy 3. I've been wanting to do a Creek chapter for you. This is a gift for you and amyartkitten!) _

_ Sorry this chapter took so long to get out. I've been doing a lot of filming and editing for a documentary. It's eating a lot of my time and energy, but the next chapter won't take as long to write I hope! Anyway, here is the smutty goodness. Enjoy._

Craig glanced at Tweek, then back at the road. He had offered to drive Tweek and his dad's van home. He didn't know what had gotten into his coffee addict. Yesterday at school had been terrible. Maybe Tweek was bipolar.

Craig came to school fully apologetic and with the intent to reconcile. He didn't mean to walk in on Tweek masturbating... to him. It had happened though. And Craig understood how mollified Tweek must be. Craig would have been too, but he wouldn't have dumped Tweek because of it! Even if it was for only a few hours, Tweek had seriously hurt Craig's feelings. Whatever. And for stupid Butters. Were he and Butters on the same field to Tweek? Oh fuck no.

But Craig hadn't meant to put the moves on Tweek... not like that. He thought about what Kyle had said about the deodorant. When Craig was in the dumpster... when Tweek was freaking out about germs... he had been strangely and overly attracted to Tweek. Not that he wasn't attracted to Tweek before, but there had never been a cloud over his judgment. He was Craig motherfucking Tucker. He was in control of himself and his emotions. Usually...

"Craig... gah! Jesus Christ, I'm sorry..." Tweek was fiddling with the doll on his lap. His head was downcast. His shock of blonde hair covered his eyes. Craig smirked and turned back to the road.

"For what?"

"For being a dick yesterday, man!" Tweek jerked his face toward Craig. His eyes were wide and tear-filled, but there weren't any streaks on his face.

"Hmm." Craig pulled the van into Tweek's driveway.

Tweek trained his eyes on Craig's emotionless face. Craig had been really nice last night... kinda. W...was he regretting it now? Jesus Christ! Tweek hadn't even decided if it would be too much pressure to try something more with Craig or not! Craig couldn't back out on him now! No, no, no man. Tweek jumped out of the van, ran to Craig's door, and pulled him out of the driver's seat. That'll teach him to not fasten his seat belt. Click it or ticket, man. Tweek yanked on Craig's arm again and led him to the house. Craig couldn't give up on Tweek yet! Tweek wouldn't let him!

Craig allowed Tweek to pull him along. If Tweek would have looked over his shoulder, he would have seen that Craig was greatly enjoying his antics. Craig did his best to compose himself when Tweek opened his bedroom door. He had put on a stoic mask by the time Tweek finally closed his door and looked at him.

"What are you doing?" Craig asked levelly.

"Y-you can't change your mind now! Gah! I like- ah! Jesus Christ-

"I like Jesus too."  
"Gah! N-no, stop. I-I like...you. Gah!" Tweek dove to his bed and hid under the blankets. Craig cracked a grin that went from ear to ear. He looked like a Canadian for a split second. Craig sat down on the bed next to the lump that was Tweek.

"No one will blame you. I mean, it's pretty hard to not like me." Craig sprawled across the bed and stared at the shivering mass. Tweek peeked an eye out from the blankets.

"T-that's not- gah!- reassuring..."

"I told you last night how I feel, dude." There it was again! The haziness clouding his brain. God, Tweek smelled so good... Craig slid closer to Tweek. He placed his hand on the calf-shaped lump and moved it slowly upward.

Tweek brought his legs closer to his chest. Shivers ran up and down his spine. Craig moved his hand between Tweek's legs and continued to go upward. His hand stopped when it reached the meeting point of Tweek's thigh and pelvis. Tweek yelped and scurried out from under the covers.

The haze grew thicker in Craig's mind. All he could think about was being alone with Tweek. Right now. This instant. And that delicious smell. Craig sauntered on all fours toward Tweek. Craig swished his hips as he crawled on top of Tweek. Craig pinned Tweek's wrists to the bed with his hands.

"Gah! Craig... there's... so... much press..." Craig swooped his head down and kissed Tweek on the mouth. The kiss was wet and sloppy, and Tweek twitched into it making it harder for Craig's lips to maintain contact... but it was perfect. Except for the baby doll crying.

"Take that fucking thing off now." Craig growled as he sat up. He folded his arms across his chest. Tweek raised off the bed enough to take the baby and carrier off, and put both on the floor. Tweek then toppled Craig onto the bed so Tweek was straddling him.

"Hnngh...So much pressure...gah..." Tweek ground his hips against Craig's. Tweek could feel Craig's special organ growing through his pants. Tweek's dick had been awake since Craig first put his hand on Tweek's leg. Tweek's mouth found Craig's. The baby still cried from the floor, but the two boys were oblivious to it. They were wrapped up in each other.

Craig pulled Tweek's bottom lip into his mouth and sucked on it. He darted his tongue into Tweek's mouth. His tongue explored Tweek's mouth as his hands traveled lower. Craig tugged at Tweek's shirt. He began to unbutton the mismatched buttons.

Tweek moaned into the kiss as Craig unbuttoned his shirt. He poked at Craig's tongue with his own. Sure, it probably had all kinds of nasty mouth-cavern bacteria, but Tweek was trying really hard not to mind. Oh no, something besides his trying was hard. He liked french kissing Craig, and he couldn't even tell himself he didn't.

Craig crumbled Tweek's shirt into a ball and threw it on top of the doll crawling and crying on the floor. Craig noticed Tweek was shivering more than usual. He flipped Tweek back onto his back and covered him with blankets. Craig kissed the top of Tweek's head before walking to the drawer containing Tweek's dick ring. When he went back to the shivering blonde, only a few tufts of blonde hair poked out above the blankets. Craig pulled the blankets back and saw a completely, gloriously naked Tweek. Craig stepped back in surprise and almost tripped over the stupid baby doll. He cursed softly under his breath.

"Cr...Craig..." Tweek's eyes widened as Craig stripped himself before crawling back onto the bed. Tweek couldn't remember the last time he had seen Craig without a shirt on. And he had never seen him without at least boxers. W-wow. Tweek's boner hardened more. It caused sharp pains to travel through his scrotum and penis.

"Gah! Craig, there's too much pressure!"

"Alright, alright. I'm not in any rush..." Craig frowned. He really was in a rush now that he had seen Tweek in the buff. Now that he was cradling Tweek in Tweek's bed. Now that his and Tweek's...

"Jesus Christ, I mean in my- gah!- my cock!... C-can... you help me? It hurts..." Tweek doubled over in pain. He moved one hand slowly up and down his penis. The pain didn't subside.

Craig let out a sigh of relief and pulled Tweek closer to him. Craig pulled Tweek's hand away and replaced it with the vibrating dick ring. Craig placed the ring below the head of Tweek's penis and let it vibrate. Craig's dick was pushing into the back of Tweek's leg. It was unbelievably warm... Craig began to rock his hips against Tweek's backside. Tweek rolled over. His vibrating cock made contact with Craig's thrusting one, and they both gasped in unison.

"Does that feel any better?" Craig asked through gritted teeth. He didn't know how much longer he would be able to contain himself.

"A...a little- gah-... I-I need to cum for it to go away... So- gah!-embarrassing." Tweek nibbled on Craig's ear and flicked his tongue along Craig's earlobe. Craig groaned and climbed back on top of Tweek.

He trailed kisses down Tweek's chest and stomach. He kissed down to Tweek's right hip and bit. Tweek screamed and jerked his hips up. Craig went further between his legs and bit the tender tendon. Tweek grabbed a handful of Craig's hair and yanked. Craig didn't pull away; instead, he engulfed Tweek's penis and the dick ring with his mouth. His tongue roamed over Tweek's sensitive head as his hand groped Tweek's testicles. Craig's thumb caressed Tweek's ballsack as his middle finger encircled the entrance to Tweek's anus.

Tweek's grip on Craig's hair tightened. Craig scrapped his teeth gently up Tweek's penis before he let Tweek's member out of his mouth with an audible "pop!" Craig kissed his way back up to Tweek's face.

"Tweek, I have something serious to ask you."

"Gah- Yes, already!" Tweek's eyes were closed and he was panting.

"It wasn't a yes or no question... Do you want to..uh... give or receive?" Tweek blinked one eye open and peered at Craig.

"I... gah!... Don't make me choose! That's..."

"Too much pressure. Right. Then don't mind this." Craig began knocking on Tweek's backdoor. Tweek's other eye popped open as the other one twitched in surprise. "Do you have lotion?"

Tweek's entire face turned a bright red. He threw one arm over his eyes in embarrassment as the other one reached into his bedside table. He pulled out a warming lubricant and handed it to Craig.

"You dirty little..." Craig chuckled before lathering his dick with the lube. He guided his head back to Tweek's anus and pushed in slowly. Tweek clenched his muscles around Craig. He face was contorted in pain.

"Dude... chill... chill... God, you feel so fucking good..." Craig kissed Tweek's eyelids softly and nudged his cheek with his nose. Tweek wrapped his legs around Craig's hips and pulled him deeper inside. Tweek and Craig gasped in pain and pleasure, respectively.

"Don... gah... don't move..." Tweek panted out. His eyes were still squeezed shut. He rotated his hips as his asshole adjusted to Craig. "Craig... I'm claustro- hnnngah- phobic."

Craig looked down at Tweek, confused. Tweek rolled his eyes in a very Craig-like manner and flipped them over so Tweek was on top. He did this without breaking the ass-to-dick contact. Tweek grabbed Craig's hand and placed it on the still vibrating dick ring. Tweek rocked his hips. Craig took the hint and started pumping Tweek's cock as Tweek bounced on Craig's own cock. Neither of the boys lasted more than a minute and a half before coming.

Tweek rolled off Craig and sighed. "I've fantasized about doing that so -gah!- much."

Craig grinned and cradled Tweek. "Me too."

"Tweek! Is that a baby I hear crying?" Mrs. Tweak peeked her head through Tweek's door. "Oh! Sorry, boys!"

"GAH!"


	12. Chapter 12

_As always, a special, special thanks to everyone who reviewed! I'm glad more people are coming out to enjoy my story 3 You guys are wonderful. **Animebaka14** (I bet Mrs. Tweak secretly liked it ;). Oh! Craig wasn't on the receiving end. Tweek was still taking it up the butt even though he switched to the top. Sorry if that was confusing :3), **Yaoi'sWhore **(hahaha I feel so bad for torturing Tweek like this. Eh, actually not that much ;) ), **Dark Neko 4000** (Read this chapter and find out! :) ), **Monthadog** (3 sorry, there is like zero Creek in this chapter. I hope you like it anyway 3 There is an awesome guest appearance by someone special!), **Amyartkitten** (I hope your birthday was splendid, dear. I wanted to post last chapter right at midnight for you! There is a little Style in here, but... well, you'll see!), **Fullmoonwolf950** (I kinda figured from your last review that you were from Texas :). Traveling is a lot of fun, and I highly recommend it!) _

_And again, thanks to my friends who don't live in the internet (but for some reason won't review my story on here harrumph). You know who you are, son and roommate ;)._

"Dude, did it look like Jimmy was limping to you?"

"Jimmy is a cripple, Clyde. He can't walk."

"I know, I know. But it looked like he was not walking in more pain than usual."

"I don't even want to think about it. I'm going to change all of the bedsheets... Now." Token shook in disgust at the thought about what all of his friends had spent part of the night doing. "On second thought, maybe I should just burn them."

~%~%~%

"Why are we going to Mr. Garrison's house?"

"I am not taking less than an A on this stupid assignment. We both have an STD now thanks to that stupid fat ass. Even if we do everything else correctly, the highest we'll get is an 80. And Mr. Garrison will probably find something else to mark our grade down. That bastard!" Kyle picked up his pace. Stan jogged to catch up with him.

"So, what did Craig want this morning?" Stan grabbed Kyle's mittened hand and pulled the dayrunner to a halt.

"Dude. Cartman's just been acting weird. He told me to keep an eye on him. What's wrong with you? We have to hurry!" Kyle yanked his hand and walked faster. Stan again jogged to catch up with him. He grabbed Kyle's hand again and just held it as the two walked.

"Cartman is always weird. Do you think he and Wendy are together?"

"Dude, Wendy would have to take some heavy drugs to date that fat ass. Would you care if they were together?" Kyle squeezed Stan's hand through their layers of mittens. Mr. Garrison's house was just a couple of houses away...

"Maybe a little. But only because Cartman is such a sick fuck up. I would be worried about anyone involved with him."

"Wendy's a big girl. She's always been able to handle Cartman. Remember how she got him with the whole smurf thing when we were kids? Priceless. I think she enjoys his antics more than she lets on. I still think she would need heavy drugs to actually put up with him all the time."

The boys stopped in front of Mr. Garrison's house. The lights were off and it was eerily quiet. Lightning flashed in the background and the wind picked up. Kyle stepped closer to Stan. Stan turned Kyle toward him. He leaned down slightly and kissed Kyle on the forehead. He lingered before pulling away.

"Let's get this over with." Stan followed Kyle down the sidewalk and up the steps.

Kyle rang the doorbell. There was a shuffle behind the door. The boys looked at each other. The door didn't open. Kyle rang the doorbell again. The boys heard glass shattering. Kyle turned the doorknob. The door was unlocked. He and Stan cautiously walked in.

"M-Mr. Garrison?" Kyle called.

He and Stan walked toward the dark kitchen. Mr. Garrison was sitting at the kitchen table. A shards of glass from a wine bottle were scattered on the floor. Pieces clung to the wall where wine was still leaking down. Mr. Garrison's head was cradled into his hands. His body shuddered with sobs.

"Mr. Garrison...?" The boys timidly approached Mr. Garrison. The stepped over the pile of glass and wine.

"H-hey, boys. What d'you think your doing? It's a weekend for me too, you know. I don't want to see your stupid faces outside of school." Mr. Garrison took a deep breath to control his sobs. He wiped his nose with the back of his hand.

"Are you okay, man?"

"Do I look fucking okay, Stanley?" Mr. Garrison had yet to raise his voice. He spoke like a defeated man, although he said fighting words. He reclined in his chair and lit a cigarette. His two puffs of hair were sticking up in all directions, and his eyes were bloodshot. He looked like shit.

"No, sir."

"We're here about the assignment. The stupid fat ass gave all of our class STDs. Could you not count take 20% of our grade? I mean, it's Cartman's fault."

The television in the living room turned on. All three men jumped. Stan was the first to go to the living room. Mr. Garrison stumbled in after Kyle.

"I thought I unplugged that..."

"Hello, and welcome to a special broadcasting of The Oprah Show! Here tonight we have a very special teenager. He has been through a heart-wrenching ordeal. I-I think he better tell his story for himself. Please welcome Eric Cartman!" The audience applauded as Eric walked toward the beige couch on stage.

"How the fuck did he get to Chicago that quickly?"

"I'm more worried about what he's doing on the show..."

"What **is** he doing there, boys?"

"Thank you for having me on such short noootice, Ms. Opraaah."

"It's my pleasure, Eric. Would you like to share your story with everyone here?"

"Yeeees... You see, I have a best friend. I trust him with everything. We tell each other all of our secrets and wants and dreams. He's very important to me, and I thought I was very important to him..." Eric choked on his words at the end. The audience "Aww"ed. Oprah rubbed Eric's back.

"Take your time. I know it's hard."

Eric wiped his eyes and sniffled. "I-I'm okay. There's this girl who I... I like a lot. We started dating recently..."

Stan and Kyle looked at each other with their mouths agape. "Dude, if Wendy sees this..."

"What is going on!" Mr. Garrison's face showed a mixture of horror and absolute glee. It was a step away from the depressed state he had been in a few moments before. The boys couldn't decide if it was a positive step or a negative step, but it was a step.

"...and my best friend became jealous. You see, he likes me more than I thought. He may think he even loves me. But nobody who really loves someone could do what he did to me..." Eric stopped talking to blow his nose. Oprah patted his knee and reassured him. "The girl I'm with has a kid. She had been a dirty slut before, but I've changed her. My friends and I all decided to get together. My girl and her kid came as well as my other classmates' kids."

"How many of your classmates have children, Eric?"

"Everyone in my senior class has a kid or will have a kid. The school practically requires it..."

"Your school requires you to have kids?"

"Not literally, Oprah. I was exaggerating."

"Does Eric even know what that word means?" Mr. Garrison finally decided on rage and horror as his reaction to Cartman. The boys shook their heads and kept watching.

"Anyway, it was my idea to get everyone together. It would help relieve the stress all these babies cause. We could go out and have fun together like the old days. The days when everything was simpler... Then, that bastard Kenny... We decided to do karaoke. Everyone loves it when I sing. I've been told I have the voice of an angel. I sang a song with my girl. When I was finished, Kenny bombarded me. He rough housed with me if you know what I mean. He gave me an STD. I didn't fully understand at the time... I should have known. Kenny is the biggest manwhore in the school. As long as something has legs to spread, he'll spread them. Not even the tables are safe. The tables, Oprah!" Eric broke out into sobs again.

"I think it's time for a commercial break. We'll be right back after these messages."

"What the fuck..." Kyle groaned into his hand.

"I really hope Kenny isn't..." Stan's phone vibrated. He looked at the screen. Kenny was calling him. "Shit. Hey, are you...yeah, we are. We're at... Calm down... Okay, okay. I believe you...uh huh...We're at Garrison's place now... I-uh... I'll ask. Hey, Mr. Garrison, is it okay if Kenny and Butters come over? The storm took out Butters' cable."

"Why don't we have a fucking potluck..."

"Mr. Garrison said it's okay. You have to bring pot or food though... I was joking... Yes, I know... Uh-huh... Alright... See you soon." Stan put his phone back into his pocket.

"I was being sarcastic, Stanley... unless Kenny is bringing pot?"

"He said he would bring poptarts. He said he doesn't smoke pot and shame on me for suggesting it." Stan crossed his arms and snuggled deeper into the couch. Kyle chuckled and put his hand on Stan's knee.

"I can't believe Cartman." Kyle grew serious again, but his hand stayed on Stan's leg. Mr. Garrison noticed.

"So, are you two fags dating now or what?"

"Yes."  
"No." Kyle and Stan looked at each other in shock.

"What do you mean no, Kyle?" Stan's eyes narrowed slightly.

"I mean... you haven't asked me to be your boyfriend yet. We haven't made it official. Besides, Mr. Garrison is asking. That makes it weird." Kyle's cheeks turned a deep red. The floor suddenly became immensely interesting to him. His hand left Stan's leg and joined Kyle's other hand. His thumbs danced together in a Butters-like fashion.

"If it's that important to you... Kyle Broflovski, will you be my boyfriend?" Stan turned Kyle's face back towards his. "Mr. Garrison as our witness."

Kyle smiled crookedly and nodded his head as best as he could while Stan still held his cheeks. Stan swooped in and sealed the deal with a kiss.

Mr. Garrison rolled his eyes. "Sorry I asked." Kenny and Butters came running through the front door.

"I swear to God, I'll kill him." Kenny growled. He sat down in front of the couch and pulled Butters into his lap.

"Oh great. More fags..."

"Sh! It's coming back on!" Kenny shushed Mr. Garrison. He kept his eyes trained on the TV.

"Welcome back to The Oprah Winfrey Show. My guest today is a brave young man named Eric Cartman. He has suffered a great deal at the hands... and other things... of his best friend. As we were taking our commercial break, Eric was telling us how his best friend gave him an STD **while** they were with their friends at karaoke. You were surrounded by friends when this happened, Eric?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"And none of your friends did anything to help?"

"Nooo. It was terrible! They all just stood their and laughed. My girl was the only one who tried to help me, but Kenny was stronger than her."

"Did Kenny try to... give your girlfriend an STD too?"  
"Nuuuuuuuo. It was worse than that. I didn't fully realize that he had given me an STD until later. My girl and I were at a friend's house when... we had intercourse. And...and I gave her the STD! I didn't mean to. I thought we were being safe!"

%~%~%~

"I am definitely burning those sheets. I should have known when I saw the cookie crumbs. That sick bastard.

%~%~%~

"So your best friend inadvertently gave your girlfriend an STD through you?"

"Yes, but she's being really great about it. She's been my rock through this whole ordeal. She's actually here with me." The camera panned to stage left. Wendy walked onto the stage. She waved at the audience. She kissed Eric's cheek as she sat down next to him.

"Hi, Wendy. How does this whole thing make you feel?"

"Well, it's all- and I mean all- really confusing. The STD I have isn't as bad as Eric's. But we're fighting to raise funds for awareness and a cure. I brought with us today these little baby harnesses." Wendy held up one of the duct tape carriers toward the camera. The camera zoomed in on it and Wendy's boobs.

"Huh. When did Wendy get that rack?" Kenny moved Butters a little so he wouldn't crush his balls.

"As Eric has already stated, I am a mother. Our whole class is expecting to be a mother or a father soon. We are a bunch of sex-crazed individuals. These InabDUCTables will help the soon to be moms and dads at our school. The harness makes it easy to carry a baby around, and hard for kidnappers or child molesters to touch the child. The silver color is easy to see from anywhere, so this baby carrier is hard to misplace. We are experimenting with neon colors as well. These harnesses are lightweight and easy to pack. The funds will go toward helping the young parents at our school. We will supply condoms to the people at our school so children and STDs won't run as rampant in our community. All of this will be possible thanks to the people who buy these carriers."

"You both are doing all of this? By yourselves? You have risen above a great travesty and have learned from it. I see a bright future ahead of you both."

"Thank you, Ms. Oprah. I couldn't have done any of this without Wendy, of course. But I would also like to thank Kenny. Without him, none of this would have been possible."

"What do you mean, Eric?"

"Well, if he didn't do what he did, I wouldn't have had the drive to make these harnesses to help the other people suffering at our school."

"If I didn't do what I did? He means make the stupid duct tape..." Aran started crying from Butters' chest. Kenny patted her plastic head and pulled a pacifier from his pocket.

"You truly are an inspiration, Eric Cartman. I wish you and Wendy nothing but the best." Oprah squeezed Eric and Wendy's hands. "Now, if all of the members of my audience will look under their seats, you'll find an InabDUCTable baby harness. If you viewers at home would like to purchase one of these incredible devices, go to . That's all we have for today's special. Tune in on Monday for our regular show." The television turned black again.

"That little prick..." Mr. Garrison's face had turned red. "He used my home ec assignment to make everyone think we have nothing but parents at our school..."

"H-he was pretty smart with how vague he was though! He never said Ken had sex with him, just how he had given him an STD. And neither one of them said a thing about pregnancy!" Butters played with Aran's hands as she "sucked" on the pacifier.

"How much money do you think they made off Oprah alone?" Stan asked incredulously.

"He said we'd go 50-50. You guys heard that, right? Dudes, Cartman may be a genius!" Kenny hugged Butters closer to him. "I may forgive him about the table remark. It was a desk anyway."

"Dude, too much information..." Kyle thumped Kenny in the back of his head with his index finger.

"What were you boys doing here again?'

"Oh right! Here you go." Kenny handed Mr. Garrison a crumbled poptart package. The poptart inside felt like it was crushed to bits.

"No, I mean Stanley and Kyle."

"Right! Our assignment. Could you not count of 20% since Cartman gave all of us STDs?"

"I'll think about it. You boys run on home now before the storm gets..." Heavy rain thudded against Mr. Garrison's door. Thunder roared and lightning struck. "Jesus Christ... I guess you boys can stay until it lessens."


	13. Chapter 13

"Thank you so much for making a pit stop in Denver, Oprah," Wendy embraced the philanthropist.

"My pleasure, Miss Testaburger. Tell your father I said hello, won't you?" Oprah squeezed Wendy back before walking into her own dressing room.

"Have I mentioned how cooooooool you are? We probably made like 100 million dollars!"

"I think it's more like a thousand dollars." Wendy leaned down to kiss the chubster on his cheek.

"Nu-uh! I'm going to check the website."

~%~%~%~%~%~%~%~%~%~%~

Clyde was huddled up in Token's bed. He held Chink close to him. He had never been fond of scary things, and boy, was this sudden storm scary. The lights flickered on and off and the sky outside was dark and dismal. The sound of a clap of thunder ricocheted of Token's walls. Clyde cowered further under the sheets.

"Clyde? My maid made us lemonade." Token walked into the room carrying a tray of goodies. Clyde curled tighter into the fetal position. "Okay, I lied. I just wanted to rhyme. It's actually clam chowder and hot cocoa."

Clyde's brown hair protruded from under the blanket. "Do those go together?" His voice came out muffled.

"Are you making a racist joke?" Token set the tray on the bedside table on Clyde's side of the bed. Clyde bolted out from his safe haven.

"What the fuck? No!" Clyde crossed his arms and pouted. A flash of lightning lit up Token's room. Clyde began to falter.

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Here. I know you're hungry. Cartman ate all of the breakfast food and didn't leave any for the second-in-command." Token pinched Clyde's cheek.

"Second-in-command?" Clyde blew on the cup of hot chocolate before taking a sip.

"You know, because you're the second fattest kid in school? I figured you guys had a ranking system."

Clyde choked on the hot drink and coughed it out on Token. "Wha... That's mean! I'm not fat!"

"You also didn't notice the thunder just then, huh?" Token pulled his handkerchief from his pants and wiped his face.

"Huh... I guess you're right." Clyde scooted himself and Chink over to make room for Token. "I guess clams and cocoa do go well together!" Clyde slurped his soup and gulped his hot chocolate contentedly and forgot about the storm outside.

~%~%~%~%~%~%~%

"I hope we didn't interrupt whatever you were doing, Mr. Garrison." Stan chopped an onion while Mr. Garrison sliced beef filets.

"You mean you hope you aren't a bother? Well, too late for that, Stanley." Mr. Garrison poured oil into a frying pan. Tears started dripping from his eyes.

"Whoa, dude! Sorry to ruin your Saturday. You don't have to cry about it." Stan said as eye-water streaked his own cheeks.

"I'm not crying! You're dicing an onion for Pete's sake!"

"Oh, right." Stan wiped his eye with his upper arm. "So what were you doing?"

Mr. Garrison stopped retrieving spices from his spice rack. "When did you get so nosy?"

"When I started caring more about the welfare of others, maybe?"

"Whatever. Look...You can't repeat this to anyone, you hear? Not even your faggy little boyfriend. I'm only telling you because you're being persistent. I miss Mr. Slave, okay? I've had some pretty rough times here lately. And... well, after he left I got involved in... deviant behavior. I went down to gay clubs and bars and picked up all the men I wanted. I'd never bottomed before, Stanley, but damn, was I good at it! Anyway, this has been happening over the course of almost a decade. I'm tired of it. I want Mr. Slave back, but I know I can't have him again. I think that's why I've been such a bastard about this baby assignment. I shouldn't take it out on you boys."

Stan put his hand on Mr. Garrison's shoulder. The men, young and old, looked at each other with a newly found understanding. Kyle walked into the kitchen to see Stan and Mr. Garrison bawling and sniffling and touching. Kyle walked back out of the kitchen without a word.

~%~%~%~%~%~%~

"Tweek... seriously... it's not that big of a deal." Craig sat on the outside of Tweek's closet. Tweek had taken a couple of lessons from Tom Cruise and John Travolta obviously.

"Easy for you to say! Your mom didn't walk i-i-in - Gah!- on you screwing! Jesus Christ!"

"No, but my boyfriend's mom walked in on me having sex." Craig's knees pressed against his chest. His arms wrapped around his skinny calves. A half-smile was plastered on his face.

"B-b-boyfriend? This has happened to you before?! Gah! WHO WAS YOUR BOYFRIEND, MAN?! JESUS CHRIST!" Craig could hear flailing from inside the closet.

"Oh, it happened with a spastic blonde boy. You may have heard of him. His name is Tweak Tweek. But don't worry. I flipped his mom off while I was fucking him in the ass."

Magikarp stopped using splash. "Oh..."

"Do you want to hear a story?" Craig placed his hand by the space between the door and the floor. His fingers crept underneath the door.

"Y-yeah..." Tweak lightly touched Craig's fingers with his own.

"Remember how I was always in Mr. Mackey's office when we were kids? Do you know what I was there for?"

"G-gah! Fuh-fighting or smarting- Jesus Christ!- off to Garrison?"

"You know from experience that I wasn't a good fighter. And who had time to back talk Mr. Garrison with Stan and his weirdos in there? No... everyone assumed I was always causing trouble. Isn't that why we ended up fighting? Mr. Mackey couldn't and wouldn't tell anyone otherwise, so I had a pretty good cover up. And I got a good bad reputation to boot!" Craig curled his index finger around Tweak's. "No. I had problems... I knew I was different from the other boys. They always talked about sports and girls. Sports I could handle... girls I didn't want to understand. I knew I was gay since elementary school. When we all dressed up like metrosexuals... I really was the gayest kid. Ha! And the others didn't believe me. The point is, I've had years to get comfortable with who I am, but I remember what it was like in the beginning. When I was just finding out about myself."

Tweak let go of Craig's fingers. The closet door creaked open. Tweak plummeted Craig and the boys toppled over. Tweak held onto Craig as if he were life itself. Craig put his hand on Tweak's shock of blonde hair.

"Th-thanks, Craig. I'll -Gah!- be okay. M-maybe my mom isn't scarred for life- man!" Craig smiled and held Tweak closer to his chest.

"...Ready for round two?" Craig asked in a nasally monotone.

"Only if we lock the- Gah!- door first..."

~%~%~%~%~%~%~

"Ken, you should tell everyone about your plans!" Butters said through a mouthful of steak.

"Plans? What plans?" Kyle rocked Winston while everyone else was eating. The doll had become fussy. Aran had slept peacefully since Butters and Kenny arrived.

"Well... I'm going to join the Air Force. Surprise!" Kenny grinned and held both thumbs up in an awkward pose. Everyone else remained silent.

"The... Air Force? Wow, congrats, dude!" Stan said after a millennium and a half had passed.

"Are you serious?" Kyle's face turned red, and his body shook. "Why the hell would you want to go into the Air Force?! You've seen first hand what the military does!" Kyle began shouting louder as Winston began crying harder.

"Kyle..." Stan reached toward the feisty daywalker.

"No! You know too, Stan. And what happens if you get killed working and fighting for things you don't believe in? Do you know how that would make us feel?" Kyle and Winston stomped out of the living room.

Stan glanced at Kenny. "Sorry, dude. He's still a little shaky after... well, everything we've seen the military and secret government people do."

"Nah, man. It's cool. I'll go talk to him." Kenny kissed Butters on top of the head and followed Kyle out of the room.

"M-maybe I should have kept m-my damn mouth shut." Butters knocked his hands together.

"We would have found out eventually."

"If your faggy drama is over now, I'm going to go back to enjoying my beer." Mr. Garrison belched and threw his empty beer can into a pile of other beer cans. He grabbed another can and took a big swig out of it.

~%~%~%

"Kyle..." Kenny knocked on the bathroom door.

"Go away! I'll apologize later. Just let me cool down." Kyle's voice floated from behind the door. Kenny could barely hear him over Winston's wails.

"You don't have to apologize. I wanted to let you know this wasn't a random decision. I've thought about the pros and cons, and I know this is what I want to do. I think I'm one of the most qualified people for the military. I can help our country. And I'll get to put my superpower to good use."

"Here we go again with that stupid superpower crap. That's not true, and you know it." Kyle huffed.

"I've never belittled your dreams, Kyle. I've never judged you for what you want for your future." Kenny walked away from the door. As his footsteps died down, Kyle opened the bathroom door.

"I'm scared for you..." Kyle sighed and followed Kenny back into the living room.

"Oh, the little drama queen is back. Goody." Mr. Garrison slurred. Stan's phone rang as Kyle and Winston went to sit on his lap.

"It's Cartman..." Stan glanced at Kenny before answering the phone. "Hello?"

"Stan! You aren't going to believe this!"

"Wendy? What's going on?"

"A-ask'em how they got to Chicago so darn fast!"

"We aren't in Chicago. But... we've made $100 million off those inabDUCTables! We'll need to outsource to China or India to make all of them, but can you believe it, Stan?! Just because of Oprah!"

"$100 MILLION? Are you sure about that?" The other boys and Garrison stood around Stan. They started talking to Stan and each other quickly. Stan motioned for them to pipe down.

"I was skeptical at first, but it's true! We're rich!"

"'Ey!"

"I mean Cartman is rich..."

"And Kenny. Cartman promised to go 50-50 with Kenny. Don't let him forget." Stan winked and nodded at Kenny. Kenny wiped an imaginary bead of sweat from his forehead. Kenny grabbed Butters up into a hug. Cartman took the phone from Wendy and came onto the line.

"And I suppose now the Jew wants a cut now too?" Wendy swatted at Cartman and tried to grab the phone back. When that didn't work, she grabbed a chicken leg and put a drop of liquid on it.

"KFC. Fetch." She threw the piece of chicken. Cartman dropped the phone and ran after it. "We're about to be on our way back from Denver. We should celebrate when we get back."

"'Ey! You bitch, this is from Church's Chicken!"

"Shut up, Eric! We'll see you all soon."

"Hey, wait! The weather here is..." but the phone had already gone silent on the other side.


	14. Chapter 14

Bebe rested her back against her pillow and rested her shoulders against the wall. Her hands cushioned her head as she dazedly looked at the ceiling. She puffed on a cigarette slowly, inhaling the toxins and exhaling the smoke. Bebe's boobs buoyed Jimmy's head. Jimmy listened to Bebe's heart beating and her deep breaths.

"Jimmy?" Bebe continued her ceilingward gaze.

"Hnn?" Jimmy responded lazily; he didn't stir an inch. Her heartbeat was lulling him to sleep.

"Do you like me?"

"O-uh-uh-of course."

"Even if I did something really bad?"

"Uh huhmmm."

'Really?' Bebe asked, but Jimmy didn't answer. He snored softly and drooled slightly. "I hope that's a yes..." Bebe sighed and snuffed her cigarette out. She wrapped her arms around the cripple and drifted off while the storm outside raged.

~%~%~%

Cartman sulked in the passenger seat of Wendy's truck. Wendy gripped the steering wheel; she straightened her back and her chest was inches from the wheel. The windshield wipers screeched across the windshield and thudded out of sync. The truck crawled at 45 miles per hour on the highway.

"Eric..."

"Don't talk to me, you socialist bitch!" Cartman rested his head against the cold window and stared into the darkness.

"I'm just saying we should give a small amount of money to charity. What's a couple thousand when we have 100 million?" Wendy furrowed her brow and strained her eyes. The rain poured out of the sky in torrents. Wendy and Cartman trekked alone down the street. There weren't even street lights to alleviate the darkness.

"Socialist! It's mah idea, mah money."

"Technically it was Kenny's idea..."

"But I followed through with it!"

"You outsourced and made the middle school home ec class make the inabDUCTables. That's not the same as you mass producing them by yourself."

"That doesn't matter. I had the drive to contact those people. Why should I give MAH money to people who don't have enough drive to help themselves?" Cartman glared at Wendy. Wendy kept her eyes on the dark road.

"Eric, some people aren't born with basic human necessities. You do realize that some people are born into poverty; poverty worse than Kenny's. They can't help themselves because they don't have access to necessities, much less luxuries. I think it's our civic duty to help people who can't help themselves. Especially since now we're filthy rich." Wendy took her eyes off the road for a second to make eye contact with Cartman.

"... I still don't like it..." Cartman huffed, but lowered his head in retreat. Wendy smiled and touched his hand.

"Thanks." Wendy squeezed Cartman's hand lightly, then faced the road again. "Hey look! I see a light up ahead. I think that's a diner. Want to get some food?"

"As long as you don't expect me to pay for everyone's dinner..."

"As if anyone else is stupid enough to drive around in this weather."

~%~%~%~

"Eeeewww! Why are we watching this again?" Clyde watched the television in wide-eyed wonder. He couldn't turn away from the brutal, gross, demeaning, kinda hot...

"I had to watch this as a kid. I think everyone needs to see it at least once in his life." Token turned the volume up as three men plowed into one girl.

"Backdoor Sluts... They actually made 9 of these? How did they make enough money?! Uuuugh."

"This is from when we were kids. I think they're up to 24 now." Token laughed and scooted closer to Clyde under the covers.

"This is the most horrific thing..."  
"You mean whore-ific?"

"vile, twisted, vomit-inducing..."

"Tell me about it." Token wrapped his arm around Clyde and pushed Clyde's head against his chest.

"The clam chowder is going to come up, man..."

"Don't watch it then. If you just listen to it, it's kinda hot." Token whispered into Clyde's hair.

"But, if I do that, I'll get a boner. That's not cool."

"What's not cool about it?"

"Well, I can't just whack off with you and Chink in here... Is this your idea of torture?"

"Mwuahaha!" Token tickled Clyde's side.

"Stop it, stop it! Ah! Now I do have a boner!"

"Perfect." Token forced Clyde's chin up and kissed him. He licked the outside of Clyde's lips, then forced his tongue inside Clyde's mouth. His tongue swirled around and explored; he tasted the chowder and chocolate.

When Token pulled away, Clyde was panting and red-faced. Clyde pouted his swollen lips. "That's not fair..."

"Hmm?" Token moved his hand up Clyde's shirt and massaged a small portion of Clyde's belly fat.

"You're playing with me."

"Not yet." Token grinned and continued up to Clyde's man-boobs. The girl from the video moaned and panted. Clyde's erection tried to burst from his pants. Between the video and Token's body parts, the thunder and lightening had no effect on Clyde anymore.

"Token. I only have one testicle!" Clyde blurted out. Token removed his hands from Clyde's body and raised them to his own mouth. Token turned his head slightly away from Clyde. "It's gross, right? I knew it."

Token began to shudder before he started guffawing. "Oh my God, Clyde! Hahahaha. You're so pfft hahahaha random. I love it." Token wiped a tear from his eye and clutched his stomach.

Clyde put his hands on either side of Token's hips and leaned his upper body over Token's. "You aren't freaked out?" Clyde asked with wide eyes.

"Dude, I've known you for forever. Nothing about you freaks me out." Token ran his finger under Clyde's chin and kissed him on the nose. "However, I do have to see it to believe it."

~%~%~%~

"I guess people are more stupid than I thought..." Wendy said as she turned off the ignition. The diner's small, gravel parking lot had four other cars. Four more than what Wendy expected.

"Whatever. They better have pie." Cartman slumped out of the truck and walked into the diner, leaving Wendy behind. Wendy draped her arms over the steering wheel and sighed.

"What a mess." Wendy shook her head, then smiled. Eric would pout for now, but he would listen to her. He had mellowed out a little since elementary, even if he was still an asswipe. Wendy straightened her hat and stepped into the rain.

Wendy rushed into the dingy building. A bell rang announcing her entrance. Strobe lights flashed to one side of the room. People did the bump and grind to the beat of the overpowering music. Bright lights and booths were in the other half of the room. Wendy spotted Eric has he dug into waffles, a hamburger, and pie. She slid into the seat across from Eric. He poured syrup between his hamburger buns before taking a bite.

"Tsk, tsk. You know better." Wendy pulled the small vial from her pocket and sprinkled its contents in Eric's food.

"I hate this stuff..." Cartman said as he continued to shovel his food into his mouth.

"I know." Wendy grinned. "But you also know what happens if you stop taking it."

"What happens if he doesn't take it?" Cartman paused from eating and looked up. Wendy turned slightly in her seat to see a lone figure sitting in the booth behind her.

"E-excuse me?" Wendy raised her eyebrow at the stranger.

"Oh, sorry. I was just thinking aloud." The young man responded. He seemed slightly older than Cartman and Wendy. He seemed so forlorn, Wendy decided to continue speaking while Cartman continued to gain 10 extra pounds. Like the fat ass needed it.

"It's alright. I'm Wendy; this is Eric. Are you hiding from the storm here too?" Wendy turned her body a little more to better face the guy.

"I'm Jay." The man turned and shook Wendy's hand. "I'm not hiding, I was left here." Jay grumbled.

"Left?"  
"Ha! Ha! No one loves you!" Eric belched and reclined in the booth. Wendy and Jay glared at Cartman before resuming their conversation.

"My uncle and one of my friends tricked me. They said we were going to eat. They brought me here and told me that I have to dance with... those people." Jay pointed to the 8 people dancing around in the other half of the restaurant. "They paid the bartender and told him to call them when he saw me dancing. I hate dancing." Jay cast his eyes downward. His eyes began to water. Wendy held back a snicker.

"Your friends are forcing you to dance with those people? Why don't you just do it so you can go home?"

"Well... I'm pretty sure they're all lesbians."

Wendy looked at the group of people again. The people all had different hair styles and clothes; upon closer inspection, she could definitely see boobs on most of the people. Some just looked a little butcher than the others.

"Seriously? That's rich! You have to dance with fags!" Cartman rubbed his belly. His stomach grumbled in protest.

Wendy rolled her eyes, and an idea popped into her head. "Here! Try this!" She handed Jay the vial with the mysterious liquid (although readers might think it isn't mysterious anymore). "Put this in your drink, and at least one of them will dance with you. I guarantee it."

Jay eyed the vial. "This isn't special k or a liquid form of roofies, is it?" He was hesitant to accept things from strangers, but he really wanted to leave the godforsaken diner.

"Scouts honor, it'll work. I have to make that tub of lard eat this so I can be physically attracted to him. It worked on our entire group of friends too! Just try it." Wendy put the vial in the man's hands.

Jay put a few drops of the liquid into his soda, and he downed the drink. He stood up confidently and strode over to the dancing lesbians. Chances were at least one of them was bi anyway. Within a few awkward seconds, the girls accepted Jay as one of them. They all danced around him. The strobe light refracted off the multitude of fairy wings and glitter. Jay was lost in the chaos. Wendy turned around and dusted her hands.

"See? It's nice to help people."

"I still don't see it. Socialist."


	15. Chapter 15

_A/N Hey, guys! It's been awhile. Sorry it's taken so long for me to update. Grad school is fun, but so many projects and essays. Seriously. So freakin' many. Anyway, I hope you like this shorty short chapter. It's full of fluff, smut, and fun. What can go wrong? The plot will continue in the next chapter. I promise. For real this time. _

Craig awoke with a start. His torso sprung for the bed. His chest and face dripped with sweat; his hand clutched the sheets at his waist. He panted as he frantically searched around the dark room. A bead of sweat slipped over his eyebrow and into the corner of his eye as he gathered his thoughts.

The jittery blonde slept in fetal position beside him. Both of the boys were as naked as the day they were brought into the world. Craig brought the blankets back up to his chest. He spooned Tweek and nuzzled his neck. Tweek's scent turned him on... Wait. Wait!

Tweek's smell had enticed him before, but it never made him act crazy horny, never made him lose all self control. Then the dumpster incident. A moving image of Cartman walking behind the school entered Craig's mind. Flash. Wendy walking the same way. Flash. Kyle warning him about Bebe and the stuff she gave the others. All three memories flashed around in Craig's mind. Suddenly his mind blanked, then all he could see was Tweek's face. Craig shook his head once, as if the physical swing could sweep the intangible people away. Tweek wasn't intangible though. He was right there... with Craig.

Tweek groaned and rolled toward Craig. His long eyelashes brushed against Craig's hip. Shivers ran down Craig's spine. He shivered and scooted back under the blankets. Tweek inched closer to Craig and planted a sloppy, wet, sleepy kiss on Craig's nose. Craig smiled and cradled Tweek between his arms. He kissed Tweek on the forehead and drifted back off into blissful slumber; thoughts of Wendy, Kyle, and Cartman vanished. The only thing to fill his mind was the thing filling his arms.

%~%~%~

Token slid his hands under the elastic of Clyde's boxers. Clyde's entire body shook and convulsed. He breathed heavily as Token's breath grazed his ear. Token's teeth replaced his breath. He nibbled gently on Clyde's outer lobe; his hand cupped Clyde's ball. Token extended one of his fingers and rubbed it along Clyde's crack. He inserted his finger; Clyde gasped and clutched tighter onto Token.

Chink cried from the bottom of the bed, but the boys didn't care. Nothing could distract them now. Except... Token broke away from Clyde to reach for his nightstand. Clyde whimpered from the lack of contact. His entire face blushed more when he realized what Token had grabbed. A blue vial of lubricant. Clyde gulped as Token shimmied out of his clothes and helped Clyde out of the rest of his.

Token slicked his dick and doused Clyde's ass. Clyde started panting harder. He wasn't sure how much off the panting was from nervousness and how much was from arousal. Now that he was face-to-dick with Token's favorite plaything, he didn't know if he could handle it.

Token chuckled and kissed below each of Clyde's eyes. "Are you okay? You look like a lost little lamb. And not because you're white either."

"Ha. Ha. Real funny." Clyde wiggled his hips and pressed his body to Token's. "Let's do this."

And so they did. Within five minutes both boys were exhausted, and one was more sore than the other. Token collapsed on top of Clyde. Clyde wrapped his arms around the other boy.

"I think it's going to be easier to poop now," Clyde said. He was torn between being ecstatic and bewildered. Token laughed and nuzzled Clyde's chin.

"Hey, kids! Need a towel?"

Token and Clyde jumped up. Token jumped off the bed legs spread and ready for attack. Clyde pulled the blankets up to his chest and curled his legs under himself. The little blue towel stood in the doorway. His eyes seemed a little red, but with their surprise and confusion, the boys couldn't be sure. Token grabbed Chink and prepared to throw him at Towelie. Clye grabbed the doll and replaced it with the lubricant. The open vial made contact with the cotton towel. The liquid poured down Towelie's face. Towelie slunk out of the doorway and into the hallway. He needed to find himself a towel.


	16. Chapter 16

Eric shook the vial over a bag of Cheetos. Not even a droplet of the potion came out. He threw the vial against the dashboard and crossed his arms. He huffed as he glared at Wendy.

"You wasted my... MY... last dosage of pheromones on a charity case!" Cartman growled at Wendy.

Wendy shifted her eyes to look at Cartman without turning her head. The rain had subsided, but it still thudded against the windshield. They would be in South Park within 10 minutes. Wendy couldn't wait to drop Cartman off at his house. Ever since they had left the restaurant, all Cartman did was whine and complain. It was time for him to suckle his mom's teat for awhile. Wendy had almost lost her patience with the titty-baby.

"Why don't you check on Adolfa?" Wendy said instead of the million insults she wanted to throw at Cartman. If their relationship was going to survive past prom, one of them had to act like an adult and have some kind of self-restraint.

"She's fine," Cartman grumbled through a mouthful of Cheetos. Maybe he was a little cute when he pouted. Wendy reached a right hand over to Cartman's thigh.

"Look, why don't we go get some more supplements before I take you home? We're multimillionaires now. We can buy more pheromones for you. Then will you stop throwing a hissy fit?"

Cartman nodded his head and sighed. "I know we can buy more, but... you care about everyone else more than me." Cartman trained his tear-filled puppy dog eyes on Wendy.

Wendy swerved the truck in her surprise. The car that had been following her passed them. The person in the passenger seat had her middle finger sticking out the window. Wendy pulled onto the shoulder of the road, right beside the South Park welcome sign.

"What are you talking about?"

"You alwaaaaaays help others, and yoooooou are nicer to theeeeeeem."

"Eric Theodore Cartman! I wouldn't do this to just anyone, and definitely not that Jay guy." Wendy moved her hand from Cartman's thigh and cradled his balls. She rubbed them with her thumb. "I don't know why you're so insecure. You're the great Eric Cartman."

"Because I have to take pheromones before you'll fuck me." Eric grabbed Wendy's hand and removed it from his genitalia.

Wendy straightened her back. It wasn't that she didn't find Eric unattractive without the pheromones... but they did add a little extra kick to the sex. She shook her head. They probably helped her get over his personality flaws more than anything.

"You know what, screw the supplements. We don't need them. I can rock your world with or without them." Wendy unbuckled her seat belt and crawled into Eric's lap.

Wendy nibbled on his fleshy neck and kissed her way to his ear. He placed his firmly on her hips. She ground her hips against Cartman's and gasped. She placed her hands on his chest and pushed away. Cartman turned his head sheepishly to the side.

"Maybe we need the pheromones after all..." The corners of Cartman's mouth were downcast. Wendy's own mouth was wide open.

"No! This can't..." Wendy scooted backwards until her ass was resting on Cartman's knees; her back pressed against the glove compartment. She unbuttoned Cartman's pants and pulled them down. She looked from his flaccid penis to his eerily placid face. He didn't seem nearly as upset about this as Wendy.

"No. No, no, no!" Wendy scrambled from Cartman's lap and back into the driver's seat. She shifted from park to drive and floored the gas pedal. Rocks flew from her tires as she skidded back onto the street.

~%~%~%~%~

"The worst of it is over. So, why don't you... lovely... little children go back home?" Mr. Garrison said to the group of teenage boys sitting around his living room.

Stan stopped running his hands through Kyle's red curls. Kyle didn't move his head from Stan's lap, but he grumbled his disapproval at the lack of contact. Stan glanced out the window. It was true that rain had slowed down a bit, but he didn't like the idea of taking robotic babies out there. Besides it was dark and chilly out there.

"Mr. Garrison, what about the dolls?" Kenny spoke up before Stan had the chance. Butters was leaning against Kenny's shoulder. He twitched every few seconds. Kenny thought it was cute, but didn't know how anyone could sleep against his bony shoulder.

"Blast those stupid dolls! I should have never given you that assignment! It's been all of three days since you've taken them home, and you're causing me this much trouble? You know what... just wait right here." Mr. Garrison stormed out of the room. When he came back he was holding a screw driver. Not the drink, but the actual tool. Now that he thought about it, Mr. Garrison would have to make a screw driver to rest his nerves after all these children were gone.

He picked up the doll closest to him. Winston. Stan watched in horror as Mr. Garrison unscrewed a compartment in the doll's back. He pulled out a microchip and the batteries. He dropped the baby on the floor with a thud. Kyle and Butters snapped awake and turned to see Mr. Garrison give the same treatment to Aran. Butters squeaked as he rushed to his daughter's aid.

It was too late. The microchips had been removed. The dolls lay on the ground lifeless. As lifeless as any other inanimate object. But the dolls hadn't just been any other inanimate object to the boys. They had been essential in their budding relationships. This was too much.

"You killed Winston! You bastard!" Kyle screamed at Mr. Garrison. Stan held his fiery redhead away from Mr. Garrison. He didn't want to have more self-control than Kyle. He wanted to punch their teacher in the face as much as Kyle did. In fact, if he weren't holding Kyle back, someone would have to hold Stan himself back.

Kenny glared daggers at Mr. Garrison has he held Butters' sobbing form to his chest. Aran lay motionless a few inches away from his foot.

"You boys can leave the dolls here. Don't worry about your grade. I won't count this against you," Mr. Garrison said as he walked to and opened his front door.

Kenny helped Butters get to his feet. Stan moved his hands from the top of Kyle's arms to his hand. The boys walked out. Stan stopped in front of Mr. Garrison.

"It wasn't about the grade anymore, and you know that. We were all trying to prove something. To ourselves and to society. Even you. I hope you are ashamed." Stan continued walking with Kyle and the others.

"Should we tell the other guys that Garrison has gone ballistic?" Kenny asked.

"That son of a bitch! After all that time and care we put into those dolls. The sleepless nights... the interruptions during class..." steam poured out of Kyle's ears. He turned back to Mr. Garrison's house and shook his fist. "That bastard."

"Yeah, I think we should. That way they can at least enjoy their dolls for a little longer. I'll call Craig," Stan responded to Kenny. He let Kyle continue his mindless banter and insults. Butters still sniffled into Kenny's shirt.  
~%~%~%~

Craig cracked an eye open. The sleep-gunk on his eyes prevented him from opening them all the way, but he could at least locate the annoying thing that had awoken him from his blissful slumber. He reached for his phone.

"This had better be important," his gruff, nasally voice said over the line. He lay back down as he listened. He felt around for Tweek. The spasmatron was gone.

"Is that all? Really? That'll be great. What? I hated this assignment. Hey! Tell your little boyfriend to get his panties out of a wad. Whatever." Craig pushed the red button on his phone. He sat up with all intentions of finding his own little boyfriend and making damn well sure he didn't have on any kind of underwear to get into a twist. However, the object of his thoughts walked into the door carrying a tray of food.

"What is this?" Craig asked, surprised.

"W-well- gah!- We didn't eat dinner -Jesus Christ! I thought you might be -gah!- hungry after our work out." Tweek set the tray of food in front of Craig. "Sorry. I only- gah!- know h-how to make breakfast- Jesus Christ- food. It tastes best- gah!- with cof—coffee."

Craig looked at the small plate of food in front of him. Scrambled eggs with visible pieces of eggshell, bacon crispy all over, and two pieces of toast with butter and jam sloppily applied.

"This looks delicious, but my hand hurts." Craig smirked.

"Oh-oh no! What happened?"

"Well, I'm dating a naughty boy who needs special care. He kept my hands busy for hours today, so I think I need help eating all of this."

Tweek looked confused for a second, then blushed. "O-oh! I can feed you -man!-, Craig."

~%~%~%~

"Token, I have some bad news." Clyde said as Token walked into his room from the bathroom.

"What's up?" Token asked as he raised an eyebrow.

"I think... I think I'm pregnant!" Clyde stood up from the bed. He had a pillow tucked into his shirt.

"... That's lame." Token responded in a flat tone.

"I thought it was funny." Clyde stuck his tongue out and threw the pillow at Token. Token blocked the pillow with his hands and laughed.

"**You** are lame!" He tackled Clyde. They both landed on the bed.

Token tickled Clyde until his face was red from the laughter. Tears streaked Clyde's ruddy cheeks, and his breathing was labored. Clyde grabbed Token's hands and wrapped his left leg around Token's waist. He used his weight to flip the two over.

"Payback is a bitch, my friend." Clyde cracked his fingers as he laughed menacingly. Token was saved by the bell. His phone began ringing before Clyde could lay a recently popped finger on him.

Clyde reached for Token's phone and handed it to him. "It's Kenny. Taking away all my fun."

~%~%~%~

The rain still drizzled down, but Bebe didn't care. She needed some fresh air. She left her house and walked into the night. Her mind had become hazy. Her conscience was fuzzy. After spending all of yesterday with everyone... They all seemed genuinely happy with one another. She didn't know how strong the effects of the drug were. She didn't know if it just made the user more bold with his feelings or changed his emotions completely. Were all of her friends really, truly happy with one another?

She needed to tell them all the truth. She would. But first she needed answers. She pulled her hood over her already damp and frizzy hair. Bebe was alone with her thoughts. The worst place to be alone. Her gut twisted in despair and guilt. Why had she decided to give them that kind of supplement?

Because Bebe's boobs had destroyed society. She wanted them to see...to understand first hand... how all the boys had treated her at the onslaught of her puberty. The boys had turned into beasts and all competed for her affection. Although none of them really wanted affection from her. They were mindlessly, savagely going after something they didn't even really want. And it had hurt her feelings. That didn't excuse her from basically brainwashing her friends. They had all been kids at that time. The boys had probably learned their lessons. Then Wendy came along with this great idea.

Bebe stopped walking. She heard someone steadily following her. She turned her head to see Jimmy.

"Jimmy? What are you doing here?" Bebe called out to him.

He glanced up from the sidewalk. "Buh-Bebe? I just went by your house. N-nobody answered the door."

Bebe waited for him to hobble to her before walking again. "Why are you going this way? Isn't your house across town?"

"I-I'm wuh-was guh-going t-t-t-to see Timmy." Jimmy stuttered. His stuttering increasingly got worse the more excited or surprised he was. Except in bed. How interesting. "Wuh-what are you doing out here in the rain?"

"I needed to get some fresh air. Why don't I walk you to Timmy's place? I was going to his neighborhood anyway."

Bebe's phone began buzzing into her pocket. She looked at the face, saw who was calling, and pushed ignore. "We better hurry."


End file.
